“Russian inquiry robs voters of democracy”, said Donald Trump. What he didn’t say was which voters. I reckon he was actually talking about Russian voters as really they’d be the only ones to lose out if the US presidential election was to be ‘reversed’ or re-run or whatever would be deemed necessary if it should come to light that Ruski interference affected the US election. The American voters, if they actually did vote for that man in a true majority, don’t really deserve the right of democracy.

Similarly, a new film made by, among others, Joaquin Phoenix, tells you that eating one egg is worse for you than smoking 5 cigarettes. I’ve already cleared out the egg drawer in the fridge and filled it with Marlboros. The film is called What the Health and is all about ‘health’ and ‘diet’. But is actually the work of evangelical, radicalised vegans. No longer content with showing endless clips of cattle being slaughtered or chickens doused in chlorine (I really don’t care, I JUST DON’T CARE!!!!) with less than what you’d normally term ‘success’, they’ve now moved onto how eating meat and dairy will ‘kill you!!!!’ And I don’t care about that either. I’d rather die 5 years earlier having enjoyed every meal I’ve ever eaten than die the death of a million cous-cous at 108.

More importantly, its not like meat eaters only enjoy consuming flesh because of the pain and suffering of animals, that’s just a bonus (JOKING!!! Jesus, you’re sensitive…), but we don’t go round to vegans or even vegetarians (like being a foodie-agnostic rather than full-blown almond-milk-atheist) and try to persuade them to chow down on rare steaks. Nor do we criticise their greasy hair, poor skin and chronic halitosis on the grounds that if you don’t eat proper proteins and the right kind of fats, your fucking teeth will fall out and your fingernails crumble.

As it happens, I rarely eat steak (no pun intended), but do just luuuuurve a good hamburger, I eat loads of fish and lots of eggs. And chopped liver. Because I’m a human. Homo Sapiens. Not Homo Veganus. They’re extinct through muscle wastage and the inability to find mates. We’re omnivores. Not pulse-eating soy-milk-aholics.

Here’s a novel idea. Eat what you fucking want. As will I. We’re all aware of the pluses and minuses of every food known to mankind, we make our choices. To suit ourselves. Not for the benefit of Joaquin Phoenix, Gwyneth Paltrow or Donald Trump. Sound like a deal?

Happy Saturday

A xxxx