For many years I’ve advocated a radical stance on diversity, inclusivity, support for marginalised minorities, particularly of a gender variety, the abolition of all statues of slavers, imperialists, colonialists, bankers, wankers, skanks, lanky people and any form of old white men. The worst kind of human. The ultimate dead end of the spectrum. And I think this should be taken much further.

Thus I’m in total agreement with Aberdeen University for implementing its new ‘decolonisation’ process. Re-assessing all its classes, its teaching, its reading lists to remove any type of stereotyping or presumptions of class or race superiority.

Its only a matter of time until we take this to its logical end and burn… well, pretty much every book written before 2017, when I invented ‘woke’, and at least 70% of those written after.

We simply can’t allow any books that may possibly have any content which may in any way offend anyone. So Dickens is out. Shakespeare’s complete works on the bonfire of political correctness (Portia dressing as a man just to pretend to be a lawyer!!!! The most un-trans thing EVER!!!!), all the history books about the Crusades, the Spanish Inquisition, everything about kings and queens, you can’t get more ‘classish’ than that, and everything else. Burn the fucking lot. To avoid offending one man from Great Yarmouth who will be offended by any use of the word ‘penis’ because he was born with a very little one.

Consequently, us writers (I’m a writer, ain’t I? I fucking write, don’t I?) are employing ‘sensitivity readers’. People who read through and edit books and articles to find offending phrases, words, ideas or actions which may cause upset or mental health problems in any reader or group of readers. And edit out references to ‘poofs’, for example, ‘spots’, in case of acne sufferers, ‘money’, upsetting for those without, any form of ‘winning’ anything, because there are so many fucking losers out there, and any mention of ‘Arsenal’ because, currently, it will greatly upset Arsenal fans, who are pretty sensitive at the best of times. The term ‘schvartza’ is officially ‘unsensitive’ and will not appear at all.

As my current ‘sensitivity reader’ is unfortunately in hospital, because I beat him/her/it to a fucking pulp, this blog will remain a touch ‘unsensitive’ at times. For which I thought of apologising in advance but then thought ‘naaah, bollocks!’ Which may offend or upset those with testicle issues, but what can I do?

Happy Saturday

A xxxx