I’m actually starting to feel sorry for Matt Hancock. He started the pandemic as the Secretary of State for Health, arguably, in that context, the most important person in the entire nation. Then we heard him speak for the first time and, if I’m honest, it started to go downhill pretty much from there. Yet we gave him the benefit of the doubt. Of all the Health Secretaries we had at that time, he was the best. He alone stood between us and certain death! And he only lost that particular battle 130,000 times. So how’s he doing so far?

Then came the endless string of bad decisions, I’m not saying they were his alone, but he was the ‘messenger’, the ones we shoot even though we’re not supposed to. His were the delays to locking down, to banning flights from covid-torn countries, for every reversal, u-turn and disaster. But we forgave him. Like we had any choice.

Then he was slagged off royally by Dominic Cummings, the ex-aide to the Prime Minister and the original ‘woman scorned’. Metaphorically. Who also served his revenge stone cold. Virtually all of it served on Hancock and his ‘apparently’ incompetent ways, as agreed in about 500 text messages, by Boris himself. To such an extent that even Her Fucking Majesty the Royal Fucking Queen (HFMRFQ), mentioned poor, hapless Hancock in her meeting with Boris this week.

But then came… grope-gate! In a semi-dark, empty corridor in a far-off, deserted corner of the Health Ministry, 2 dim (in so many ways) figures emerge on the security footage approaching each other. Dimly. And that’s when it happened. The offence. The tragedy. The event. Immoral. Selfish. Inconsiderate. Juvenile.

They moved within 2 metres of each other!!! Holy shit!! 2 people who work together encroaching on each other’s ‘Covid free zone’ (assuming neither actually have it… or one of them has it… whatever). And this was the ‘offence’. Okay, he is THE MAN who’d been telling us for over year, every day, to distance, obey the rules, stick with the plan. So he’s a hypocrite. Not exactly an original crime for a politician.

What happened within that 2 metre encroachment zone was almost irrelevant. Basically they sucked face. For which you just have to say “WHAT WAS SHE THINKING????” Kissing Matthew Hancock? Eeeeuuuuwwww. Then he grabs her arse, which any medically trained person knows is a virus protection action, sensible in the circumstances.

So now they’re calling for his job. Labour, because they have to and, under Kier Starmer’s razor sharp leadership, have absolutely nothing else to do. The conservatives because most of them hated Hancock to begin with and now he’s ‘brought shame’. And the Lib Dem’s and Scots (I group them together to show my contempt for both) because they are paid to moan.

Boris loves him. Absolutely no one else does. Other than possibly Gina Coladangelo.

Happy Saturday Matty, enjoy a couple of rest days. With your wife and family.

A xxxx