Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. What was ‘Dave’ thinking? Really, I mean, ok, he was drunk, probably a bit stoned, caught up in a frenzied, orgified, peer-group, testosterone-fuelled, impress-da-birds party and so he dipped ‘part of his anatomy’ into the mouth of the severed head of a dead pig.

What’s wrong with that? We’ve all done it. Oral sex with a dead pig is just a normal part of growing up, surely? Its as natural as raping your sister. Shagging the cat. Exposing yourself in church. Feeling up old ladies as you ‘help them across the road’. Rights of passage. Teenage hormones. Ya gotta love ’em.

But the love ends when you become prime minister. And make enemies who then publish very unauthorised biographies about you in the quest for revenge.

Ohhhhhh, David CAMERON, Dave. Oh, that one.

Lord Ashcroft, former conservative peer and very rich, obnoxious and horrible man, gave millions to the Tories way back before 2010. Ancient history. He was promised a cabinet post in return for his un-UK-taxed, offshore, numbered Swiss donations, as he was a non-dom. Ahhh, but you can’t take political donations from thems wot don’t live here. Certainly not from thems wot don’t pay tax here. That’s the rule. In the inevitable brouhaha that ensued, Dave got away on the ‘I didn’t know it was offshore cash’ plea. But as Dave never like Ashcroft anyway, he didn’t honour the cabinet post side of the bargain. Hence one mightily pissed-off billionaire.

So Ashcroft and his writers came up with a hatchet job on Dave. And published it. Claiming many things, most of them when young Cameron was at Oxford. Involved in the ‘clubs’, smoking pot, possibly even having sex with women. Shock horror; students shag!!!

Now it comes to light that ‘cock-in-pig’s-mouth-gate’ was at best ‘unsubstantiated’. Evidence is scant. Witnesses unnamed ‘to protect them’. Oh, ‘those’ witnesses.

So the only crimes really committed by Dave were his possible knowledge, as the book claims, that he was in fact aware of Ashcroft’s ineligibility to donate, and the fact that our Prime Minister was an unrelenting, upper-class, monied little rich shit who bore the contempt his type generally do for everyone else.

We learn by our mistakes. Thus the David Cameron we all know and love must have learned a hell of a lot.

Happy Wednesday

A xxxx