Look, everyone hates vegans. They don’t taste very nice. Ha ha, carnivore/cannibal joke. Bad taste. Ooops, ha ha, fucking haaah.

And there lies the meat of the issue. Is it acceptable to joke about vegans? Apparently it is not. William Sitwell, the former editor of Waitrose cooking magazine just resigned because he did just that. Stated in an email a suggestion that vegans be killed, one by one. No-one is accusing him of incitement to murder. Therefore they know it was a joke. So why the fuss? Even if its not the best joke around? He didn’t get sacked by the humour police.

And the reason is two-fold. Firstly that the journalist who sent William a ‘pitch’ about an article she was suggesting about vegan cooking, received his now famous reply and immediately went public with it. Rather than just replying ‘that was sick/poor/unfunny/whatever’. I think it safe to say she will never work in this town again. And quite rightly.

And the other reason is that the vegan ‘movement’ is strong. You can feel the force. They are a ‘protected minority’ as are all adherents to any particular belief system. Most ‘belief systems’ are about God. Veganism is, in my mind, just as misguided but better in some ways because its about food. And I believe in food. Ok, I’d believe more if there’s meat in it but generally, if its edible then I’m a believer.

But if you attack, even humorously, the members of such a belief system then you’re upsetting the whole yin and yang of the entire universe. And must be punished. As was poor William. Ok, he resigned, but come on, did he have any choice?

Therefore his crime was basically one of blasphemy.

The same crime for which Asia Bibi, a Pakistani Christian, was sentenced to death in her country and was just released after serving 8 years whilst waiting execution. Upon her release she’d be well advised to leave her country forever. They’ve never actually executed anyone in Pakistan for blasphemy. Because they never live long enough to go to jail or face the charges in court. They get strung up by mobs, stoned to death, beaten to shit, whatever. Any police around at the time of such lynchings either join in or turn a blind eye, not willing to incur the wrath of the imams. Who are generally leading the attacks, being very spiritual people. You can see the imams because they wield the biggest sticks.

And, just like the radical and extreme Islamic protectionists of Pakistan, the Vegan movement takes no prisoners when it comes to blasphemy.

It’s surely not long before eating meat in public will be banned in the interests of political correctness for not wanting to cause upset to the vegans. And it will be enforced by groups of these ultra-moral, animal-loving, holier-than-thou Uber-veggies patrolling the more foodie streets stringing up diners and demanding the death penalty.

Happy Friday

A xxxx