For all those who have temporarily ‘paused’ their sky sports subscriptions (and if you haven’t, just email them and they’ll give you a credit from the last match played), it is fast approaching the time to… un-pause!!! Because on June 17th (the day after my birthday, if you’re interested, and car showrooms are open from Monday for my pressie; McLarens on special offer since they laid off 200 workers) football’s coming back!!!!

The first match is that between Manchester City and Arsenal, as a kind of a test, because no-one cares who wins, who contracts illness or who dies. They’ll be ‘taking one for the team’. Just not neccessarily their teams. It probably won’t be played on ‘neutral ground’ because no-one cares about Arsenal nor Manchester City and their fans wouldn’t get off their sad and sorry furloughed arses to travel anyway. And with absolutely nothing of any relevance to anyone dependant on the outcome, they’ll play it wherever. Liverpool fans will moan at the injustice.

The idea of the ‘neutral grounds’ is that if the match is ‘important’, not like ‘track and test’, which is important but won’t be ready for June 17, nor possibly July 17 either, then they worry fans will go to the ground anyway. Even though they can’t go in and watch the match. And its true, many fans are indeed that stupid. If Dominic Cummings was a football fan, he’d go just because he can. And although they initially said that all London derby matches would be on neutral territory, preferably up north somewhere, they’ve now decided that they can be played at their scheduled venues. Liverpool fans will moan at the injustice.

Liverpool matches, ‘which may decide the league title’ will definitely be played on neutral grounds. Because no-one anywhere wants 20,000 drunk scousers on their doorstep, even, so it would seem, at Anfield. But with their first title for 30 years (zzzzzz) on the line and the possibility of finally living up to their ridiculous sense of over-entitlement, its a fair guess that their fans will turn up anywhere, to celebrate. Not like they have jobs to go to or any other distractions, like families or loved ones. But the police will be keen to break up crowds to prevent Covid contact. Liverpool fans will moan at the injustice.

How the league finishes, if it finishes, if it just dies and fizzles out, if they abandon it altogether, pass it on to next year, wipe the entire season away, whatever, there’s just one certainty. Liverpool fans will moan at the injustice.

Happy 2.5 weeks to football day

A xxxx