“GOT’CHA LUVVERLY TSATSUMAS, PERND’A’PERND. WE GOT BANANAS, ORINGIZ’N’ GRAPES. DON’ TOUCH THAT, LOV, I DON’ KNOW WHERE YA BEEN. GRANNY SMIFFS!!! 90p A PERND. ‘ERE; WHERE YA GET DEM, DARLIN’? DON’ GET MANY’A DEM TO DA PERND, DO YA????. YA WAN SOMINK JUICY’N’SWEET DO YA? COME RARND DA BACK DEN, HHHHAAAAAA!!!!!”

Greg Wallace was a greengrocer. And though his tv persona attitude possibly implied that he was some kind of ‘Michelin-starred greengrocer’, he just, kind’a, sold fruit and veg. Probably very loudly, I grant you, probably with lashings of smut with some not-so-mild innuendo drizzled on top, but he flogged potatoes and kiwis; guavas and green beans. That was his background. Where ‘the man’ was formed. An environment not renowned for its subtlety, its gentility or its political correctness. An environment more Benny Hill than Newsnight. More pinch-yer-bum than ‘tell us your pronouns’. It was called ‘being a bit of a lad’. And, believe it or not, during vast swathes of human advancement (the 1960s, 70s and a bit of the 80s), this was acceptable. If not quite desirable in attracting people to a greengrocers’.

So, fast forward a few decades, past numerous business ventures, including a very successful greengrocery suppliers and some rather unsuccessful forays into fine dining, and you have the man as a regular on tv. A man now so recognised, ubiquitous and well-regarded that I was prepared to have dinner with him.

OK, he has a connection with a spectacle company and he sat next to me just for the main course as he had to ‘rotate’, to share the joy. And I’d like to say that this ‘meeting’ did not qualify to enter me into the ‘#metoo’ movement. He didn’t abuse me in any way, or pinch my bum, didn’t act in any way inappropriately or even stare too long at my chest. I was actually a bit upset about that.

Yet now we learn that Greg is an awful person. Suggestive. Makes sexualised comments. Makes women feel uncomfortable. Particularly humourless, dour, Scottish tv presenters called Kirsty Wark. Who was so offended it took 10 years to complain. Or maybe she was 10 years ahead of ‘woke’ and set the standard for such ‘crimes’.

I’m not forgiving Greg for all his ‘crimes’. Mainly because we don’t know what they were. But it’s ‘emerging’. His major crime seems to be ‘inappropriateness’ of a very high standard. When it ventures to unwanted contact, I’ll get upset with him. He’s not a rapist. He’s just a man not quite bright enough to judge the people he’s talking to. He seems to have no filters. And no clue. Assumes people like to hear about his fantasies. No concept that it makes people very ‘uncomfortable’. Next time we have dinner I’ll tell him about mine. That’ll put him off his food. Its puts me off mine.

But it does piss me off when 120 women just start calling out how ‘he said something I didn’t like’. They should be sent to the greengrocers for some ‘desensitivity training’.

Happy Saturday

A xxxx