So it arrived, the New Year, with a firework (above), and the usual combination of music, screaming, booze and good cheer. And then, for the first time in my life; I got breathalysed. Yep, I had a ‘tangle with the law’ and I won. The score was: Andy 1, FASCIST NEW ZEALAND MURDERING (?) PIG BASTARDS 0!!

They do spot checks here on all major (relatively) roads. So on the way back from the celebrations to our hotel, there was a line of police, all the traffic (16 cars per hour during rush hour) had to stop and a dozen cops randomly selected… everybody for ‘random breath tests’. He put a digital thing into my face, size of a walkie-talkie and asked me to count to 5. Which I can do normally without too much trouble, long as there’s no long division involved, but I instinctively went to blow in it. Cos I’ve never been breathalysed before and all the old films I’ve seen have people blowing into plastic bags. But no longer. Breath went digital in 2007 and counting to 5 is probably another test of sobriety. After about 3 seconds the machine said ‘Pass’ and I was a free man once more. San Quentin, I hate every inch of you! Ok, that was Johnny Cash and on another continent and different circumstances, but I was just seconds away from getting my first prison tattoo (cockerel on my thigh).

We drove down to a place called Te Anau (they did tell me how to pronounce it but it’s irrelevant as I’ve left now). The ‘gateway to Fiordland’. Which means pretty much the last place you can actually drive to. Because Fiordland is just fiords and mountains. No roads, well, 2 roads over about 200 miles both of which cross just one mountain into a Fiord. One at Milford Sound, which is famous but very touristy (I ain’t no fucking tourist!! I’m… something else) and the other to Doubtful Sound. So you park at a lake, take an hour across it in a ferry to the road. Which is unpaved and not very road-like at all really, and that takes you to the boat, which takes you round the most beautiful place on earth. Other than all the other most beautiful places on earth.

We slept overnight on the boat, just 8 passengers, 2 crew, we fished (and failed), we saw loads of sea lions, heaps of dolphins and millions of sand flies. It was stunning.

Then we drove a long way up to Wanaka for New Years. Where we saw the firework. Stunningly beautiful here too. I mean, what are the chances? Again on a lake, again with the mountains.

I’m loving New Zealand. And its loving me.

Happy New Years AGAIN

A xxxx