You never know about Boxing Day football. Would Harry Kane go for the extra pigs-in-blankets yesterday? Would Deli Alli have seconds of roast potatoes? Mousa Dembele hit the Christmas pud to excess? Leaving them all fat and sickly and floundering round the pitch, all hung over and over-loaded?

Obviously not. As we seem to be doing alright against Norwich. Some teams you can feel sorry for as they sink in the league. Not Norwich. Don’t care about them. No-one does. Outside the somewhat rarified genetic environment that is East Anglia.

I was hung over and overloaded this morning. I’m on holiday; I’m supposed to be and feel like a failure if I’m not. But I swam my lengths before breakfast, to try and rehumanise myself. And to try and fail to keep up with Mrs C, who swims lengths before breakfast even in London. I managed 24 before collapsing into a heap on a sunbed, whilst she eased her way to 100. Little cow. Though I don’t profess to be a swimmer. Naturally, I’m a drowner, but then I can’t justify eating ridiculous amounts, so swimming has its benefits. 3 lengths = two hamburgers and 6 mai tais.

And only after breakfast did I work out that it was sufficiently late back in the country of my birth for the football to have started. By which time Man United were already 2 down at Stoke. Which normally would have been some kind of surprise. But not this year. Plus ca change. Louis Van Gaal’s impassioned plea for an apology from the press the other day didn’t do much for his team’s continual on-pitch failures. Can’t imagine tomorrow’s papers will be filled with comments other than the ‘HOW LONG CAN THIS GO ON????’ variety.

Liverpool won a match. Shame for Leicester. Chelsea’s woes continue too, new manager, old manager, caretaker-manager. Undertaker-manager next. Oooooh, that’s poignant.

Bournemouth drew with Palace. Good for Bournemouth and really good for Spurs as it keeps Palace away and keeps us in 4th place. Where we need to be. Must be. Simply have to be.

Arsenal go top if they win later on.

COME ON SOUTHAMPTON; FOR THE SAKE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY.

Happy Boxing Day

A xxxx