Not only is the coronation tomorrow!!! But its going to be the best one ever. Other than Ethelred the Unlikely’s in 834 when a dragon swooped down and made off with the crown, but Elton John came and did the entertainment, even though he was only 22. But unlike that one, Charles’s is going to be ‘inclusive’ and ‘diverse’, in the meaning of those words which we all need to hear and yet, still, causes a little bit of vomit to creep up one’s drainpipe. So although the event is being held in church, there’s going to be representatives of all the major religions present, just in case Charles and Camilla choose to convert at the last moment; they got it covered. The Chief Rabbi will be there, the head Imam, a noble Hindu, several Shaman, a witch, four Druids and a man who says ‘ohmmmm…’

Yet they chose to hold the event on a Saturday, rather than the usual ‘midweek’ slot. Possibly something to do with the football, or tv ratings, they haven’t said. But Saturday is the Jewish sabbath!!! Friday’s the muslim one, tuesday is possibly the Zoroastrian version, who knows? Anyway, the Chief Rab got special dispensation (I kid you not) to enter a church on that day, plus, he can’t travel by car (causing a spark, so electric cars are the devil’s work!!!) or even use a microphone like everyone else will. Because they are banned activities on the Sabbath. He’ll have to walk to Westminster Abbey. He lives in North London. I suppose he could stay with a friend nearby and walk from there. But its all difficult.

So they’ve decided to move the coronation. To Hendon. Its unusual, its not the norm, but Charles is a ground-breaking royal. It will be the first ever coronation in Hendon Reform Synagogue and the first major event there (barmitzvahs, weddings…) officiated by the Archbishop of Canterbury. Then its all round to the Hendon Hall Hotel for what would be called a ‘kiddish’ in other circumstances, but they’re renaming it ‘a Royal kosher Feast’, catered by the Hendon Bagel Bakery, but the Palace is insisting that the fish-balls be flown up from Platters in Temple Fortune.

Mazzletov to Charles and Camilla

A xxxx