I don’t know who I’m going to miss more: David Cameron or Gisele Bundchen. Its a troubling thought as the German-sounding Brazilian supermodel (errr, that’ll be Gisele) retires from her career of posing, pouting and preening, just as Cameron is about to become the next ex-Prime Minister of Her Majesty’s Kingdom of, blah, blah, blah.

Whereas Gisele never missed an opportunity to put herself out there on the public stage (very few supermodels are recluses) Cameron is more shy about time in the public eye. But only when it involves televised debates with his rivals. Whereas he loves being filmed in tea shops in Burnley, car factories in Solihull, hospitals fucking anywhere.

No-one noticed that Nick Clegg was absent.

Yet every ‘opposition’ leader took the time to mention how ‘sad’, ‘disgusting’, ‘appalling’, etc, that Cameron was absent. Thus not able to ‘defend his policies’. So they slagged him off anyway.

Last night I was out being repeatedly hit over the head with a long stick. Or rather, avoiding being hit over the head with a long stick by some devious Chinese tactics of disarming such assailants and leaving them in a heap on the ground.

And I’m glad I missed the debate. It was bad enough hearing everyone on tv talking about it endlessly when I got home.

And this is how the debate basically went:

Miliband: Cameron’s a nob.

Sturgeon: so are you, Ed, unless you become Scottish reet nooow.

Farage: I fuckin’ hate darkies.

Miliband: with me as Prime Minister may God help you all.

Sturgeon: I’m much cleverer than anyone else here even though I’m totally smug and obnoxious.

Farage: can I smoke in here?

Miliband: we want to make Britain a place for workers to work and working men and women to work in a workmanlike way of working.

Sturgeon: we don’t want ‘Tory-lite’, Ed, we want ‘a new way’, though I’m not prepared to say, in any meaningful way, what that vague and worthless phrase actually means. And once we, the Scottish Nationalists, have made Britain greet once more, we can leave.

There were 2 other women there as well but I don’t know who they were. They were the political equivalent of the girls who used to be on stage with magicians, the ones who eventually had 16 swords stuck in the box in which they’d been put. If only.

This election has become horrible. Everyone too scared of saying the wrong thing to actually say anything right. So they just argue about nothing and then wonder why the voters are becoming un-engaged with the entire circus.

I’d rather get hit on the head with a long stick.

Happy Friday

A xxxx