Its true. Jamaicans call everyone ‘mon’. As in ‘y’areet dere, Mon?’ Its like living in a Bob Marley album. And its cool, chilled and laid back. Considering its about 30 degrees day and night.

But when we leave the somewhat rarified atmosphere of our little resort, which only really happens when we walk the beach, we meet other Jamaicans. Who offer a wide range of services.

They want to sell you shells. Conch shells. The local delicacy. And if you decline the purchase of some of their inevitably lovely collection of shells, then they offer you dope. Ganga. Weed. Smoke. And should you have the audacity to offer a brief ‘no thanks’ to that too, they kind’a look at you with a mixture of sympathy and contempt that says: “den why you comes to Jamaica if you don’ wan’ shells or weed?? What da fucking point? Mon??”

So whilst I’m wondering whether Louis Van Gaal will survive the day, I note with interest the inevitably sage advice coming from newly appointed ‘director of pensions’, Ros Altmann. I don’t know Ros, but I know many people who do. She’s ‘local’ and seems to have lots of friends who are mates of mine. But I’m no friend of hers. And even less so after her latest announcement.

That employers here should give all staff the opportunity of fully paid ‘care leave’. Oh, that sounds caring. Staff who have parents or kids who are ill or in need of care, should be paid by their employers to take time off work and do some caring. Because it’ll save social services from the responsibility, thus freeing them up to care elsewhere. Ahhh, caring. Nice.

This model has, according to Ros, ‘worked well for a year at British Gas’ where workers are offered up to a month, on full pay, ‘care leave’. A FUCKING MONTH!!!!! And think of all that hospital time saved, or social service people freed up so they can send more psychopaths accidentally back into society, or check on children about to be murdered by abusive parents and declare ‘everything fine’.

British Gas can afford to squander up to 8% of their wage bill (a month off for everyone) because their profits are stupidly massive and their inefficiency just plain stupid. And they just put the price of gas supply up, which they already have done to offer such a great and caring package.

Then everyone moans that Britain can no longer make steel competitively, so we’ve closed that industry altogether. And why? Because of energy costs. Running at about 5 times what they are in china. And steel production is massively consumptive of energy. So we no longer make steel.

Ros Altmann lives in cloud cukoo-land. Most employers, unlike British Gas who can simply hike prices, cannot afford to lose their staff for a month each year. By burdening them with the cost of social services their overhead rockets. Every business can go the way of the steel manufacturers, as long as the government save money of social servies. Regardless of the increase cost of the subsequent unemployment and retraining.

Happy Sunday (is it sunday? I have no idea any longer, nor do I care)

A xxxx