So, according to the party leaders, these were the undisputed winners of the two-and-a-half major political parties. Sorry, I can’t give that shambles of Lib-Dems more than a half, and that’s being generous. The Tories won. Labour won. And the Lib dems won. That’s it and its conclusive and final. Because all can in fact take some small points as victorious, but all in fact, objectively, were equally losers. Except the Lib-dems but they’re obviously only half a loser.

Any mid-term elections are used by the voters as comments on the national government. Even though these were local elections I couldn’t tell you who was going to fill in the pot-holes, who intended to pick up my garden waste before it turned to compost, who was going to increase elderly care. I voted on government issues. Even though they were irrelevant. Its what we do. And in mid-terms the government always gets hammered. As a protest. Yet this time it simply didn’t happen. Ok, the Tories lost a few seats but they expected to. They barely expected to hold onto Westminster, Wandsworth and especially Barnet. But they did. And that can only be viewed as a massive ‘FUCK YOU!!!!’ to Jeremy Corbyn. A sentiment with which I heartily agree.

Are you a monoluncher? Do you, like Tory Minister, Dominic Rabb, have the same lunch every single soddin’ day of the week? Its all the talk. Dominic has a chicken (good, fat free, white) and bacon (baaaad; processed and red; the devil’s work) bagette (terrible, bleached white processed wheat, loads of sugar and salt) with salad dressing (the worst), coupled with popcorn (peanut butter flavoured) and fruit pot (shitloads of sugar) and a smoothie. So he’s gonna die. Any second now. According to neutritionists Dominic consumes 864 calories a day, 54 grams of sugar, 3.5 kilos of unrefined… shit and 1lb 3ozs of napkins and plastic forks. And neutritionists always advise a ‘varied diet’ to ensure all major groups and stuff are covered. I’d personally say Dominic is a bit of a pig and has the imagination of a tea-spoon but if it makes him happy? And as we spend our days agonising over the excessive choices for absolutely everything currently available, does it not in fact reduce his personal stress by taking one choice a day out of the equation? Also worthy of consideration is that neutritionists, like most quasi-scientific purveyors of ever-changing quackery, know less than fuck all. Today’s heart-massaging wonderfood is tomorrow’s artery clogging carcinogen.

Eat what you want, ignore the pundits.

Happy Saturday

A xxxx