The banking giant, Santander, have refused to open an account for a circus company, ‘on moral grounds’ because the troupe are a little risqué in their attire and a little ‘burlesque’ in their performances. But this is a circus. The girls dress for acrobatics. Its like making a judgment on runners in the Commonwealth games for wearing skimpy shorts and crop-tops. The Circus Uncertainty, as they’re known, are heavily involved in charity work. They visit kids in cancer wards dressed as the favourite cartoon character. Ahhhhhh. Whereas Santander make money. Take money. Steal money. Very aggressively, very successfully and very thoroughly. They even have my money. Which they lend to Greece and Spain and lose zillions, which they give out in toxic loans, whilst selling spurious insurances and protection vehicles which have been now deemed illegal. And they get bailed out by the government at massive cost to taxpayers. Yet some blond in a bikini and a feather boa is deemed immoral. Blondes in bikinis and feather boas should always be encouraged by institutions. And everybody else. Otherwise where would society be?

Our esteemed mayor of London has now stated that he wants my City to be pollution-free-ish. To which he is now proposing yet more punitive measures for drivers. Particularly drivers of diesels. Charge them a tenner to enter the City. On top of the tenner they already have to pay in congestion charge. Makes it an expensive business. Better off taking the tube. Unless you’re carrying 12 tons of merchandise for John Lewis, then its a bit more problematical. Yet just a few years ago everyone was encouraged to buy diesel cars. More efficient, more reliable, MORE ENVIRONMENT FRIENDLY. Suckers! They bought that one, now we’ll fucking show them. Even Mel’s car, a Fiat 500, sold on the promise of ‘no congestion charge’ will in fact be congestion charged from 2016. If its still in one piece. It has an engine smaller than the Magimix, emits rose-scented vapour and can cure certain illnesses (that’s what the advertising said), make you more alluring to women (of the tree-hugging, hemp-vest variety) but its too polluting for London.
Which is fine. But they shouldn’t keep shifting the goalposts after people have made a relatively significant expenditure specifically for the existing guidelines. Immoral Bastards.

The dating site OkCupid has 30 million lonely hearts all looking for a quick shag with a stranger. Or ‘love’, as they call it on the website. And for ‘a psychological experiment’ the site purposely mismatched applicants. O.M.G!!!!! So Douglas from Berkshire stated his ideal mate was bikini-clad blonde on stilts with a feather boa and ended up with a Priest called Henry from Reigate. They’re now very happy together and are considering a trip to Africa to steal an orphan together. Whereas Matilda from Basingstoke wanted ‘tall, dark, handsome, GSOH, non-smoker, sober intellectual’ and ended up with a Scotsman.
The site has been reprimanded by a stunning, mid-30s (she’s 57), bundle of fun who loves ciabatta, chianti and chess.

Happy immoral wednesday

A xxxx