Ok so let me get this straight. England is doing so well in the Covid Games (like we were in the Euros) that tomorrow is UN-lockdown day! When everything ‘returns to normal’. Because we’ve totally beaten that horrible virus with our outstanding vaccination programme and our banging frying pans for the NHS. Coronavirus stood no fucking chance. THIS IS ENGLAND!!!!

And then yesterday we learn that, irony of ironies, none less that the Secretary of State for Health himself, Sajid Javid, MP, has contracted Covid. Tested positive. Even though he’s ‘double vaccinated’ like the rest of us. You’d think the virus had a little more respect than that. Oh, its a virus, I forgot. Doesn’t do ‘respect’. Just ‘opportunity’.

The interesting bit, of course, is that he’s a Cabinet Minister. Spends a lot of time at 10 Downing Street. With… with… with the Prime Minister himself!! Probably Mrs Prime Minister too; she’s never far away. Possibly baby PM too. And the Dog.

Who should ALL be consequently isolating. Their NHS track-n-trace app should be advising them precisely how much longer they need to stay in, alone and unloved. Like it does to all others (foolish enough to have installed that nightmarish atrocity on their phones) in similar circumstances.

And those circumstances are that our Covid rates are rising. Very very quickly. And as every new victim tests positive, so 94 people get ‘pinged’ to isolate. Unless you’re Billy no mates, in which case no-one does. And this is such a problem now that the nation’s food supply is in jeopardy because of so many having to isolate. Fit, healthy, non-virussy people forced to sit at home bored shitless because they sat on a bus for 10 minutes last Tuesday 32 feet away from a person who later tested positive.

And this is where the ‘bollocks’ comes into it.

Boris is not going to isolate. Instead, he’s going to ‘pilot a new scheme’ of testing himself regularly at home and continuing quite normally in the meantime.

As an elected spokesman for this government, I’d like to state categorically, here and now, that this is emphatically NOT a case of ‘one rule for them and one for us’. Not at all. This is a pilot scheme. And we always use the Prime Minister as our number one guinea pig. If the Queen’s busy on that day.

Please feel free to vomit accordingly. Vomiting is NOT a symptom of Coronavirus. But everyone you know will probably be forced to isolate anyway.

Happy Sunday

A xxxx