Or possibly, less holidays.

Boris and his team have opened up ‘loads’ more countries (Majorca, Minorca, Madeira) as holiday destinations to which the sun-starved British vacation-dodgers can now go to without having to quarantine for 17 days, requiring £3,472 of covid tests, per person, upon their return. That’s brilliant!!! (Rules and ‘traffic light’ designations may change without notice. Remember ‘Portugal’!) So if you fly off today to Iceland, (as green as they come), you’ll be fine. As long as they don’t announce, just as your flight lands in Reykjavik, that from tomorrow you’ll be stuck in a Premier Inn for a month when you get home, for just 2 grand each.

Unfortunately, as from next week, Brits will be banned from all and every European country, possibly forever, due to covid restrictions and rising numbers over here. Thus making the new, revised ‘green list’, basically a bunch a places that won’t let you in. It’s the new initiative by Angela Merkel, being discussed today by all the EU leaders, and if implemented, the blanket ban on British holidaymakers will be known as ‘the sour grapes rule: nothing to do with Brexit’. Over here it will be referred to as: Merkel and Macron and other Motherfuckers’ Malignant and Malicious Meddling. Because the tourist industries of Spain, Italy, Croatia and Portugal desperately need the collective influx of 40 million British piss-heads to bolster their coffers, even putting up with a bunch of tattooed oiks with rolled up trouser-legs, hankies on their heads and herds of screaming brats, fighting on the streets and vomiting in their EU streets, for the gains they would make.

Mel and I are going on holiday on Sunday. We’re going to… The Cotswolds. Currently on the green list, although delta-variant numbers continue to rise, with errrr… Greater Cotswold now experiencing… one case every 14 days. And we’re only going for one night. To avoid the virus. And because good hotels in Britain are eye-wateringly expensive. Though the unique thing about British hotels is that they charge the same as great hotels in India, in Japan, in South America, but they look like they were designed in 1973 and refuse to change. Why would they? When beige is timelessly chic and avocado bathrooms will never date.

At least the weather is dependable. Dependably unpredictable.

Happy holidays

A xxxx