This morning, or this evening, depending on your perspective, I was talking to Bulawayo Johnno, who lives in Sydney, if that’s not too confusing. He got thrown out of ‘Rhodesia’ and came here where, we were lucky enough to get him on the last convict ship bound for Bottany Bay. Anyway, he was in pre-bedtime relaxation (where most of Australia spends most of its days, pre or post coronavirus) and committing a cardinal sin. He was watching Shallow Hal. Not that I personally have any issues about a movie almost defining the ‘all men are rapists’ ethos from the male perspective. Nor that the essential message of the film was; don’t be fat and ugly, no-one will ever want you; get slim and gorgeous and all the shag-masters will be queuing up for a go. I find nothing sexist, misogynistic or un-feminist about that. The film does star Jack Black, always good value, and Gwyneth Paltrow, when she was a babe. Slim babe. Before Goop. Before vaginamania, before even ‘conscious uncoupling’. Just Gwynnie. And its such a shit film that even if it was the only thing on tv… I’d watch it again. Even if it was one of the usual 733 Sky offerings, I’d forgo the other 732 to watch part of it again.

Because shit films belong on tv screens. It’s their natural resting place. And somewhere that I feel I can enjoy/endure them in a completely non-judgmental environment. As opposed to walking out of a cinema that’s only showing Mary Poppins (new version). Where do you hide? How can you deny? How do you hide your shame???

On this side of the world, just a few nights ago they showed a true ‘monster’ movie. The official definition of which is either: a truly fantastic piece of entertainment which leaves you exhilarated and begging for more (brothels don’t count), or: any movie made during the Kelly McGillis era when she was a babe. In the totally non-objectified meaning of ‘babe’. Obviously.

They showed Witness. And its brilliant. Everything about it is brilliant. Harrison Ford is brilliant. The Amish people are brilliant, the story is brilliant, the little kid is brilliant and Kelly McGillis is… just Kelly McGillis. Who was only ever better in…

Top Gun. And only because in that she drove a Porsche 956 convertible, rather than a pony-and-trap. But another sensational film. Ok, its juvenile, puerile, pathetic, predictable and cheesier than Welsh rarebit, but you’re up there, with Tom, and even Val Kilmer is tolerable, and the Russians get shot down and the missiles fly and, and, and, and…

Watched Unorthodox on Netflix. Made in Yiddish. Quite brilliant. No Kelly McGillis but a lot of people who look and act like the Amish. But even stranger.

Happy Saturday

A xxxx