Here’s a plan. Or we can call it a ‘manifesto’ if you like. Why not raise shit-loads of money by raising tax on London. Where all them rich bastards live. Where all those sodding banks lie, steal and cheat. By doing that, til they fucking bleed, we could raise… take away 7… add on NI… carry 4… we could raise £6.7 billion extra. And using that we could fund the NHS properly, free school meals, put everyone back on benefits, give more to the Trade Unions for when they strike, nationalise half the country’s services… which would cost, according to Diane Abbot, 30 quid a week, but according to economists, it would actually cost 72 billion quid. 6.7 in, 72 out; that’s what we call, in the Labour Party, a ‘perfect balance’. (Don’t quote me on the numbers, minor exaggeration effects may occur at any time; both by me or by the Labour Party).

We’d be a bankrupt nation before Corbyn had finished installing Lenin’s statue outside Number 10 and supplying copies of Chairman Mao’s Little Red Book to every schoolkid in the land.

Labour have also pledged to ‘recognise the State of Palestine’. Anyone can recognise it. Just look for the rocket-launchers, can’t miss ’em.

I won’t be voting Labour. I’ve decided.

But the more important question is: will Arsenal make it to the Champion’s League next year? They eventually managed to beat Sunderland last night and that leaves, theoretically, 3 teams vying for the remaining two Champions League places, joining Chelsea and Spurs.

Manchester City, with their win last night, are almost there. Almost. Only a loss at Watford on Sunday, coupled with a 4-0 win by Arsenal over Everton, AND Liverpool beating Middlesboro’ will see City lose out. So basically, all City have to do is win or draw and they’re in.

Liverpool are in a similar situation but to be safe, they must beat Boro’. Which, in any normal season, would be guaranteed. Mighty Liverpool, fortress Anfield, you’ll never walk alone, and Boro’ are already relegated. But Liverpool this year have been strange. Beating great teams away from home and losing to shitty teams at home.

If City and Liverpool win, Arsenal are headed to the UEFA Cup next season. The first time ever that they haven’t qualified for the Champions League. But if either of the other 2 slip, Arsenal can, in theory, still make it.

And that, really, passes for the only excitement left on the final day of the season. In case you’re uncertain for whom to cheer in this little 3-way thing, may I remind you that Jeremy Corbyn is an Arsenal fan.

Happy Wednesday

A xxxx