So what do you do when you’re 2 years old and someone leaves a real-life, non-plastic, metal and wood, full-size tile-cutter lying around? Answers on a postcard to:

Joey
Department of Breaking Things and General Destruction
My House
What’s Left of It
London

And so we’re off again. Buoyed by the relative ease and simplicity of our recent travels to Greece, we’re going to Berlin on Saturday. Because I haven’t seen Checkpoint Charlie for 2 years. Because I miss Hitler’s bunker. Because I need to be part of a Trabant vibe. Because Rachie lives there and we need to see her. Even though she’s coming over here next month. And we saw her when she was last here, not very long ago. But we’re allowed. She’s our daughter. And thus (according to her) we miss her. And if we don’t go now we can’t go til about April. Because Berlin gets cold. I’ve been in November and it was cold. Been in January and its very cold. And it gets wet. Which is worse than the cold because you can’t see Checkpoint Charlie so well. Though that’s mainly due to all the Far Easterners taking selfies there and buying Stalin hats. Which is a bit like a Hitler hat but with a star on the front.

Last night I finally joined the latest new game storming the capital. It’s called ‘Petrol Hunt’ and it is the best fun ever. Because even people who hardly ever use their cars still, eventually, get low on fuel. And as president of the ‘I’d rather walk than drive electric’ society of Great Britain, Northern Ireland and Slovakia, this is the situation we found ourselves in. So, with Mel’s car showing ‘57 miles’ left, I started out at about 9.45 last night (always a game best played in the dark) and drove to four petrol stations over 25 minutes covering… well, the fuel thing said ‘42 miles’ by the time I arrived home, but I don’t think that 15 miles is totally dependable. But three stations had no petrol. Shit-loads of diesel, because you have to be brave to fill up with that dark and polluting shit these days in case Greta or Extinction Rebellion or Insulate Britain happen to be around. The fourth did have gas!!!! Yippee. But had a queue of about 45 cars, only four pumps open and (we knew cos we’d asked them) was closing ‘any minute’.

There’s loads of petrol in Berlin. And we’re allowed up to 100mls EACH in our carry-on. Hmmm…

Happy Friday

A xxxx