I generally avoid movies with the word ‘tomorrow’ in the title. I know; its a perfectly innocuous word, an everyday word, even an every-tomorrow word. But it has deep implications in the world of cinema. Because its a euphemism for ‘the future’. In fact it really is about the future, just normally not such a faraway future as it implies in any movie title. And it also implies some kind of apocalyptic event that is due to happen ‘tomorrow’. Unless:

doh, it can be avoided.

Tom Cruise puts on an ultra violent exo-skeleton comlete with nuclear armaments; such a lot of ‘stuff’ on such a small person.

Bruce Willis is sent into space with some other old men

Jake Gyllenhall saves the world from a deep freeze.

The aliens can be persuaded not to invade us but go to another planet instead.

The big movies for this summer (summer’s always a stupid time for movie releases; all blockbuster rubbish aimed at either children or adults who have a mental age of 12 or less). And this summer’s ‘bumper offerings’ include:
Tom Cruise in Edge of Tomorrow, when the world is gonna end if Le Petite doesn’t do some serious scowling to camera.
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes; done that, been there, hated it the first time round, can’t imagine its improved with age.
Guardians of the Galaxy; don’t even ask.
Jupiter Ascending; true story of a poor girl who cleans toilets, who looks a lot like Mila Kunis, who is actually a princess from Jupiter!! Who’d’a thought?? Waits for Prince Charming, who has six arms (bit like Rolph Harris then) two heads and six penises; one on each toe. Its a porn film. Well, it would be if I’d made it.
And there’s yet another, inevitable, Transformers. The 19 sequels to the pretty cool original have all been tragically disappointing rehashes of the same old same old, but without Megan Fox, there is simply no reason to watch it again.

Back on this planet, almost, there’s Maleficent, the wicked witch from Sleeping Beauty, before she played for Wigan. Ok, its basically for Disney what ‘Wicked’ was for the Wizard of Oz. It explains why the wicked witch was oh so wicked. And stars Angelina Jolie, who for some reason I can never quite bring myself to loathe. Even though I know I should. Must be those lips.

And if that’s not fab enough!!!! there’s Expendables 3. I love a sequel. I love draining the dregs from an initially flimsy, pathetic and ridiculous premise and stretching it to new realms of the imbecilic in order to try and sell some popcorn. Schwartzenneger, Stalone, Harrison Ford, blah, blah, saving the world with Zimmer frames rigged with machine guns, and as much plastic surgery as you can get before Tomorrow.

But at Cannes this week… that’s in France… south thereof, they’ve been previewing the ‘other’ movies. The good ones. Made in foreign languages (though not if you’re foreign in the first place) for pretentious fuckers like me.

The Search looks fantastic, in a depressing, foreign kind of way, as does Two Days and One Night (but obviously no ‘tomorrow’) with the gorgeous Marion Cotillard.

So its not all bad. Just most of it.

Happy Frinday

A xxxx