Sharon Stone famously said it took her 19 years to become an ‘overnight success’.

A parallel, one must feel, to events on the final day of the football transfer window, yesterday.

Moussa Sissoko, the (ex-)Newcastle midfielder arrives at Spurs so late that the trains had stopped running and he had to take an Uber. The cost from Newcastle; £3674.23, his driver was Mo, who rated a strong ‘4’, the Prius needed recharging at Newport Pagnell, and due to the nature of footballing contracts, Spurs had to pay the player’s agent a commission on the Uber, of £426,839.22. Seems fair.

The saga to sign this player has been ongoing for seemingly, about 7 years, though in reality, only a few months. Footballing time is not like real time. The final day of the transfer window was shown by Einstein to be 3 weeks long.

Yet this ‘day of drama’ (zzzzz) and suspense(!!!) is a distraction. From football. Which started 3 weeks ago. It is, other than the fact that it is NOT good tv, whatever all the tv companies think, a load of bollocks. Because it should end in July. Before the football starts. It would be just as dramatic, just as ‘exciting’, just as mind-numbingly dull listening to Danny Murphy and Jermaine Jenas ‘intellectualise’ a process that is as simple as it is uninteresting as they just wait for players to be bought, about once in every 6 hours of dead time.

Its also a bit ‘Groundhog Day’ as Chelsea re-sign all the players they signed a few years ago, then sold a couple of years later. David Luiz? Is he the man to provide security and consistency at the back? Yeah, right.

But best of all was Bournemouth’s acquisition of Jack Wilshere, on loan from the Arse for a year. The little Cockney Sparrer, the British Bulldog, was about to leave football and star in a movie sequel, as The Man with No Brain. Steve Martin had 2, Jack Wilshere, nil. But Eddie Howe, Bournemouth’s main man, sorted a loan arrangement with Arsenal. Though why, exactly, Arsene Wenger would be prepared to part with the poster-boy for Benson & Hedges is another question. All that talent!!! Ok, not in an England shirt… nor really in an Arsenal shirt for the last few years, but he still remains the finest player to grace many orthopaedic hospitals. AC Milan was also keen to take him on loan but Wilshere chose instead the glamorous and stylish option that Bournemouth could offer. His salary of 80,000 a week will be paid by Bournemouth, into the Hampshire NHS trust directly. But most of all, Wenger couldn’t keep this moron under control. He’s an indisciplined idiot. Good luck Eddie.

Ok, I’m finally ready for the football season now.

Happy Thursday

A xxxx