What happened to all my Easter Eggs? Like, WTF???

Ok, not mine, the ones I bought along the way, that’s a rhetorical question. Long gone. But the rest of them. The ones I didn’t buy. Which, normally, over Easter weekend are lined up, piled up, amassed in pyramids in all the supermarkets waiting for me to rent a van and buy the lot. But this year? It’s all gone a bit ‘Man United’ on the Easter Egg front.

Just to recap. I love chocolate. But ONLY ‘proper’ chocolate. And you can tell its ‘proper’ because it comes in purple. Nothing else will suffice. I don’t define ‘chocolate’ by its cocoa percentage, nor its ‘purity’, fatlessness or how much it costs. I just want Cadburys. Milk chocolate. In pretty much any form (flake, Dairy Milk, twirl, Freddo…) but the best, the ultimate, the definitive mouth-fill of my favourite foodstuff, is Easter Eggs. Maybe because of the texture, maybe because they’re only available for about 3 months a year. Maybe because they’re big.

Except this year. When there weren’t any to fucking buy.

My typical shopping trip between February and April, just ‘popping out for some milk’ will see me return with 8 Easter Eggs. And, in all likelihood, no milk due to the sheer excitement. Because every Supermarket, Corner shop, petrol station, has piles of them. And always ‘on offer’. 2 quid, maybe 4 quid for a bigger one, and only Cadburys, obvs.

But this year was different. Waitrose didn’t stock any smallish eggs. M&S didn’t but I’m not sure if they ever have. I did make a major acquisition at Aldi, but its a horrible place and I didn’t return. But last night we went ‘for a walk’. Because yesterday was the first day after Easter. Last year on that day I went into my little Tesco on Fleet Street and bought half their display. All half price. I just put my credit card in the machine and told them to stop ringing up eggs when I’ve reached my credit limit. This year they had not one. Same at the Sainsburys Local, the Iceland (FFS) and Budgen.

Have Easter Eggs become the new Petrol? Pricey beyond belief and not always available? Or like gas? Do they come from Russia and are thus sanctioned? Were they sent to Ukraine to help the troops, along with the anti-tank missiles? Or is this part of a sinister government conspiracy related to the national obesity problem so wonderfully exemplified by our Prime Minister??

All I know is, as we enter the Spring period, when my normal problem is storage of overstock, I’m down to my last 1-and-a-half eggs. Another fucking crisis. Just what we need.

Unhappy post-Easter

A xxxx