So we’re done with Goa. We are sooooo over Goa. Literally though cos we’re just flying out on the way to Mumbai. Only for a couple days, that’s all we have then home.

And I love India. Be lovely when its finished.

Which is the impression you get here. Of a massive work in progress. One day all the roads will be hole-less, all the buildings finished, or demolished, all the walls painted (to facilitate pissing) and everything ‘nice’. Throw in a few rules of the road and you could almost have a civilised nation. But then it wouldn’t be India. It wouldn’t be the place where quite literally, anything goes. Except eating cows in public, obviously. Anything else goes.

Fast forward several manic hours and we’re in Mumbai. The (Indian) City of my dreams. Its fantastic here. Perhaps its a comfort thing and I’m not the adventuring hero that I pretend to be. Because Mumbai is just a wonderful, beautiful, glorious city. Its barely like India at all. Except for the Indians. And the food. Its coastal, thus it has water, and its just wonderful. Big, but wonderful.

Okay there’s lots of shanty towns and manic motorists, but there’s a superb vibe about the place that makes you wish you could stay here longer than our allotted couple of days. But I can’t complain. Though, as a Spurs fan, I might. Its what we do.

We’re staying at the amazing Taj Mahal Mumbai (where the fuck else would it be?) and, like all hotels in India, they’re big on security. Cars get searched, bonnet up, boot open, mirrors looking underneath, then you go through security scanners like at airports, before they let you in to pay half the average Indian’s yearly income on one night in the most obscene luxury you could imagine. Its so decadent I’ve buried my champagne socialism for the duration, in fact I’ve drowned the ‘socialism’ bit entirely in the champagne half, so as not to be too hypocritical. Je suis un fascist bastard. And right now, I’m lovin’ it. The ‘floor butler’ (available 24 hours a day) just brought up some stuff that might make us more comfortable.

Can you hate yourself and love what you’re doing at the same time? I’ve tried ‘social conscience’ but sometimes you just have to give in to your inner imperialist and say ‘fuck it; its only for 2 days’.

Now all we need to make this day/week/holiday/year/LIFETIME complete is to beat Chelsea tonight.

Come on you Spurs,

Happy penultimate day in India

A xxxx