It seems, where the human body is concerned, that the more we seem to know, the more we realise we have absolutely no clue whatsoever what actually goes on inside of us. Nor why. Not even how. Particularly where food is concerned.

For years we’ve been told that ‘fat is bad’, particularly cheese, ok, when taken excessively, which is actually the best way to have it, and cream, basically dairy fat. And yet those obnoxious French people who eat more cheese than anybody, which is possibly why they smell so badly, generally don’t suffer from the heart ailments which everyone else in the world does and which they should by virtue of their dietary obsession with cheese. Yet go to any doctor here and the first thing they tell you is to ‘cut down on cheese’. For your heart. For your cholesterol. Live longer. Die miserable and hungry.

So they’ve done a study. A big one. And a very long one, following people for 16 years and monitoring their blood along the way to judge the amount of dairy fat in their diets, rather than a ‘did you eat cheese today?’ type questionnaires. And you’ll never guess what they found! It’s incredible. Actually it really is, after our entire medical profession has been singling out the dairy producers for years as ‘THE PROBLEM!!!’

Basically, those with the highest intakes of fatty acids (from dairy) had the lowest risk of cardiovascular diseases. This was repeated in 17 other countries and the results were totally consistent. So those doctors who’ve been telling us to ‘moderate our dairy intake’ have actually been quietly killing us. (All together now: “shit Harold Shipman, you’re just a shit Harold Shipman. Shit Harold…”)

I’m writing this accompanied by, instead of my usual cup of tea, a cup of double cream. I want to live longer. And remember, it takes a glass-and-a-half of milk to make every bar of Cadbury’s chocolate, so that’s dairy too. Which has just been promoted from ‘killer’ to ‘health food’ in one test. Ok, a very long test.

Basically, ignore everything your doctor tells you and you’ll live longer.

I’ll take 20 Rothmans, please, and four bacon sandwiches… with cheese. Can you make the bread extra-white, please, and loads of butter. And chocolate…

Happy pig-out Wednesday

A xxxx