Negotiations continue in Brussels. Or, probably, continue to stall in Brussels. Mainly because to negotiate, you have to be talking about the same thing. And currently, that ain’t happening. David Davis, who fills me with the same degree of confidence as did Norman Wisdom on an ice patch, the most on-the-ball politician since… Donald Trump, has some vague concept of ‘The Deal’ that we’ll get for trade after leaving the EU. And that’s what he wants to discuss. Whereas Barnier and the Euro-bastards won’t discuss anything other than the ‘divorce bill’. The number of Euros that Britain has to pay, expressed only in billions, to walk away from a wasteful union that its been over-funding for 25 years. Davis, a man you can’t help thinking is well out of his depth over there, wants to include this in negotiations. As if its some kind of ‘sweetener’. He wants all the facets to be hammered out together. The trade deal, the laws, the border in Ireland, security of EU workers here, security of British workers there AND, the ‘settlement’ figure. But ‘NON!!!’ cries Barnier. They won’t discuss anything until the separation fee is agreed. 87 billion, 69 billion, 104 billion. Numbers conjured out of the sky. They can’t even agree on how the figure should be calculated. Mainly because Davis ran out of fingers. Ironically, the main reason (other than immigrant-phobia) for leaving the EU was because of the amount of wasted money it sucks up. Ironic because I hate to imagine the cost of the ‘negotiations’ which will drag on and on with teams of lawyers and accountants on retainer and expenses and going to lap-dance clubs on my taxes.

I never wanted to leave ‘Europe’ but if we’re going, let’s just fucking go. I’m so bored with it already. We’ll still buy Prosecco, even though its much worse for your teeth than seaside ‘rock’, and they’ll still bank in London. The rest we’ll deal with. Eventually.

And whilst we’re negotiating with ridiculous sums, today is the final day of the football ‘transfer window’. If you don’t buy today, the shops close until January. Better scoop up all the bargains you can. Alex Oxlaide-Chamberlain went to Liverpool yesterday for 35 mil. If they’d have waited til today they could have got 45 mil. Its like a reverse ‘sale’. The later you wait, the more you pay. Spurs bought a new defender from Paris Saint Germain who’ll be great if he doesn’t have to go to prison. He currently owns a 2-month suspended sentence for assaulting a policeman but his lawyers have given written assurances that he won’t get banged up for the duration of his contract. Then we bought another defender from Etudiantes. For a team that currently owns one solitary striker, and a pretty weak spare, if he survives today as a Spurs player, we’ve certainly shored up the back.

Happy Thursday

A xxxx