I love a cabinet reshuffle. Out with the old ministerial garbage, the dead wood, the named and shamed, the worthless, the pointless, the useless and those fallen from grace, either in terms of popularity or morality. Or, in the case of Maria Miller, both.

She had to go. Not because ‘her position became untenable’ after the investigation into her expenses, nor because during those enquiries she treated the hearing with contempt and inflammatory rudeness and pretty much refused to answer questions in any direct or meaningful way. Nor that her continuing presence was causing a scandal that could cost votes. No. She had to go because all week she has enjoyed ‘the complete and total support’ and confidence of the Prime Minister’s office. Which is always the kiss of death.

So we need a new minister for Culture, embracing the arts, the BBC, the press and major sporting events, like darts from Sheffield and the national Tai Chi championships from Solihull. And Maria was also the minister for Women. So we best get a new one of them too, otherwise 50% of the bleeding population will be moaning and nagging on about not being adequately represented. Again. And that role is, strictly, ‘women and equality’.

Thus David Cameron, who is famously challenged in relationships with women, ‘on a professional level’, who struggles to accommodate them into his government, and, ever since his fagging days at Eton, has felt much more comfortable in the presence of (preferably bare-chested, but you can’t have it all) rather effete, camp and posh men, he has appointed a new minster for women. A woman. Good choice, Dave. But a woman, one Nicky Morgan, who is opposed to gay marriage and is strongly anti-abortion. So perhaps we should split that role. A minister for straight, married, middle-class, normal women. And then appoint another for the rest. The rabble. Or, 70% of the female population, as they might be known.

Yet this new crusader for the rights of (some) women, this post-feminist pioneer has to report to her overlord; the Minister for Culture. New kid on the block, Sajid Javid, Minister for Culture. The only man in the world who actually approves of ticket touts. Or ‘ticket re-sellers’ as he calls them, for following their entrepreneurial dreams and filling a gap in the market. Not just exploitative bastards who fleece honest fans by corruptly buying up vast blocks of tickets that the fans should have been able to buy themselves without the 5000% mark-up. No, they’re ‘entre-pree-neuuuurs’, ain’ they.

I’m gonna assume that Nicky Morgan is a devout Christian. Because regular people don’t hold strong views against gay marriage nor oppose abortion, preferring to give women that choice. And I’m not suggesting in any way that Mr Javid is a devout or even observant Muslim, but the culture of that particular religion is not really conducive to ‘women’s rights’ in any way that actually gives them any, kind of, rights.

And that, Ladies, is your new ‘dream team’ to fight your corner. Might as well have the cabinet meetings in Spearmint Rhino.

Interesting that in all these expense claim cases, not one MP has under-claimed and been awarded MORE money.

Manchester United are out of the Champions League, David Moyes surely soon to be out of a job, and much more sadly, Barcelona’s aspirations in that cup also ended last night at the hands, and feet, of ‘the other’ Madrid, Athletico. The new wonderteam to come along and dare challenge the supremacy of Real Madrid and Barcelona for Spanish bragging rights.

Happy thursday,

A xxxx