Good news in yesterday’s paper for all cholesterol sufferers. A miracle almost. What has previously been thought of as ‘bad’ cholesterol, the LDL stuff, that’ll ‘kill you deader than dead in no time’ that required 90% of men over 35 to take statins, that was the ‘heart attack waiting to happen’, has now been shown in a new light.

Yes, scientists (not sure if its the same ones who initially stated all of the above or different ones, and if so if they’re better ones or more stupid ones) have now shown that this ‘bad’ cholesterol is now a thing of such amazing benefit that its presence will actually prevent, yes, PREVENT heart disease, as well as cancer and even cataracts. I mean… I mean… I mean my previous levels of ‘slightly raised’ cholesterol, seen as something of a minor problem, watch what’cha eat, no need for meds, yet!, kind’a thing, should now be seen as a big problem. McDonalds is the new kale. Eat fat; the more processed the better. Load up on greasy shit as often as possible.

I actually think that this is simply more proof of my 2 overriding facts of scientific cynicism.

1. You can prove ANYTHING you fucking want to with statistics.
2. Scientists know absolutely fuck all about anything. Or rather, they know a staggeringly amazing amount about everything; that’ll all be wrong by tomorrow. Thursday at the latest.

So I’m in the process of re-living the Atkins dream, and remember Atkins himself, the inventor of the ‘eat all the fat you want and watch the pounds simply fall off diet’, died very young of heart issues. Which, for a tragedy, has a poetic justice all over it.

Spare a thought for those poor boys at Goldman Sachs. They’re too busy making money to have their cholesterol checked. And whilst making money in 2008, by the ‘shitload’ (the only unit they ever deal in at GS) one of their deals was with the Libyans. Their investment team. When Libya was still almost viable and hadn’t degenerated into a lawless, ungovernable shipwreck of bomb-site of its post-Gadaffi years. And apparently some government officials were ‘entertained’ by GS at the Ritz Carlton in Monaco and ‘prostitutes were employed’!!!!! Wow, bank providing ‘benefits’ to people they’re schmoozing up! Whatever next? Days at the track? Box at Old Trafford!!! The deal was eventually worth $370million to the bank. Shame the hookers weren’t on a bonus package. Next thing they’ll be saying how the Libyans were forced to drink alcohol against all their religious beliefs.

Happy Tuesday

A xxxx