Ok, so just imagine, for a moment, a possible scenario.

The Royal Fam. are all together for a lunch, a party, a gathering. Maybe to watch the Bake Off final together, or see Ed Balls on Strictly. Maybe they do that. THEY ARE HUMAN! So they must do normal shit too at times. You can’t spend your whole life waving at crowds and inspecting troops.

So they’re together for this ‘casual’ event. So casual that Prince Philip is not in uniform. Well he is, but he’s left half the medals off. Charles is a lounge suit and the Queen is crown-less. Casual. And Prince George picks up a gun. The Royals love guns, they’re like Americans in that respect, probably have them all over the place, as well as the ones on all the walls. But this gun is no ‘civil war musket’, this is a proper gun. A big one. And his little Princiness accidentally opens fire. And shoots the Queen, his own parents(!!!) Wills and Kate, and even his gorgeous little sister Charlotte. Oh my, quel tragedie. (Its only make-believe though so don’t get too upset and start looking to sign the ‘memory book’ and stuff, not yet). Little George gets so upset that he then shoots himself, realising the magnitude of his inadvertent actions.

Harry would be the King. In one fell swoop the man 5th in line to the throne of England, Wales and wherever else is left, would ‘ascend’. War hero, drunkard, champion of wounded soldiers, humanitarian and all round pretty damned good bloke, would be our monarch.

And ‘she’, her above, might be the Queen. I know, she doesn’t look like a Queen, as we know it. She looks like a serious ‘babe’. And she’s foreign. American. Mixed race. Divorced. We’d have a ginger King and a babe for a Queen. How cool would that be?

Harry is ‘besotted’ with Meghan Markle. She’s an LA actress, currently shagging co-workers against filing cabinets in some legal ‘drama’. A series so earth-shattering its on channel ‘Dave’. Harry has the hots for her. Serious. Cancelled meetings in foreign lands to play eager puppy in LA. And I’m not saying she’s not worthy of his attention. In fact, after the string of limp blonde arm candy Harry’s used to, Ms Markle is a revelation. And she’s also a ‘humanitarian’ (aren’t we all? on some level? other than Nigel Farage?) and into yoga. Which Harry said he loves too. But you would, wouldn’t you. And I love kale and vegan food.

I hope this works out for Harry. He is definitely a good bloke.

Happy Tuesday

A xxxx