I bought Joey a new toy. I think he was fed up with building blocks, plastic dinosaurs, planes and helicopters. His mother won’t let him have any guns and I’m fairly sure she never let him have the lovely, colour-coordinated set of fabulous throwing knives I bought him last Christmas. So I got him this. Ok, I got me this but he saw the box it arrived in and, with that wonderful lack of procrastination or delay that children drive you insane with, we had to put it together NOW!!! And then it needed testing. So who’s gonna test it??? Suffice to say: the garden hose with regular spray attachment is now so far ‘yesterday’s toy’ that’s its not worth ever unplugging the new, all-powered up high pressure jet. “Yes Joey, of course you can bring it into the house to clean the tv…and I think your grandmother might need a wash too…”

Yet its a positive thing that his parents don’t gender stereotype the boy. If I can still say ‘boy’? He does self-identify as such so that should appease those of a more sensitive nature. So we let him play with Lila’s dolls and he decapitates them. I suggested we enrol him in ‘wife beater classes for the under 5s’ as he has such a natural inclination in that direction that I’d hate it to be one of those ‘talents we missed’ moments in his later life. I was thrown out of the house.

Yet you can’t help but wonder about the nature of ‘gender’. I’ve conducted an extensive study (Lila AND Joey) for 5 (and 3) years now. And Lila remains a ‘girly girl’ in every single way. She likes pink, love hair ties, bows, clips, ribbons and make up. She does ballet, mixes predominantly with the girls at her school and is learning to become wily, manipulative, provocative and at times nasty. All very feminine characteristics. She does play football. Which I feel is a conversation for another day, with the World Cup for Ladies (apparently) dominating our lives at the moment. Unless its finished. Couldn’t tell you.

Joey likes breaking things. Hitting things. He likes damage, pissing anywhere he gets the urge and acting like a football hooligan without the singing. All very male traits. Well they used to be. Now they’re just ‘traits of a neutral variety’.

But this apparent difference may NOT just be down to chromosomes, we can still blame the parents for unconscious gender assignment and other examples of terrible parenting.

Its a minefield. I’ll help you navigate through it. Like Princess Diana! But with a nob.

Happy Friday

A xxxx