Everything has levels. That’s rather profound. Equally, meaninglessly generalised and without context, worthless. So we’ll think of some contexts.

Firstly, Spurs. Yesterday. West Ham. 3-1. That was a next level. I’m just not sure if it was a next level up for us, or one down for them. Don’t really care either way, in that context. The good guys won, the scum of the earth were vanquished and hung their sorry little heads as they plodded back home to the East End and a step nearer to their rightful place in the relegation zone. Just one little step but the journey of a thousand miles starts with one step. Or, at least, one taxi ride to the airport.

Then came Boris. He has many levels. All of them more stupid than the previous one. On Saturday he equated Ukraine’s struggle with Russia to Brexit. Huh? This statement maintained Boris’s position as the cleverest stupid fuckwit in the world. His point was that both Ukraine’s plight and the fight for Brexit were about ‘freedom’. And the ‘vast number of British people who wanted that’. Yet our esteemed PM obviously forgot that Brexit was voted in by 51% to 49%. So for every quasi-racist, isolationist Europhobe intent on sealing up our borders, there was 98% of a person on the other side, willing us to be part of something bigger, better, more internationalist. But Boris being Boris, he’s prepared to throw us 49% under the bus to score some stupid point by ridiculous analogy. Apparently, je suis Putin. Tosser.

Then, cometh the hour, cometh the man. Or cometh the missile, perhaps. Russia, despite reducing half of a previously pretty country to rubble, aren’t doing very well. They can’t get their tanks and soldiers past their enemy. And the longer the war continues the more chance of normal Russian people actually finding out what’s going on and killing him. As they should and possibly would if they had any proper information. So Vlad, who, by his standards, has been rather ‘restrained’, given the vast wealth of military power in his possession, deployed a Kinzhal missile on a military base. The Kinzhal travels at 10 times the speed of sound. 7.6 thousand kilometres per hour. Making it quite hard to aim at with your slingshot to try and knock it out of the sky. It wasn’t carrying a nuke warhead, just a ‘normal’ one. It is the cleverest missile in the world, as well as the fastest and only Russia have them. (Though you can get one in a dodgy pub in Stockwell if you ask for ‘Kenny’.) They cost 4.5 million quid each and do 20 times that in damage. At which point you just have to ask: WTF???

So we’ve done levels.

Happy Monday for Spurs fans and… that’s it really.

A xxxx