As everyone knows; I am the absolute perfect specimen of physical perfection. In every way. And more. And yet even a virtual god like me gets issues. Body issues. Not like the ones teenage girls get which lead to eating disorders, I could never get involved in any kind of food intake reduction paradigm which had ‘Cadburys’ written anywhere in the small print. My body issues are of the damage and destruction type. Or the function failure due to repetitive strain. But we just ‘work round’ the issues, addressing them as necessary and avoiding the painful bits when we can. We all do it. Even normal humans. Like you.

But this seems to have reached some kind of apotheosis for me. Well I hope it has in a way cos if anything else starts hurting I’ll have to stop any kind of movement whatsoever for 3 months.

The right shoulder is always an issue. It just is. Has been for decades which is why I play (right-handed) tennis. Because… errr… because I’m too stupid not to. And I like tennis. And Spurs Paul would wither and rot if I didn’t exercise him regularly. So at the end of tennis my shoulder is sometimes a bit painful, along with the adjoining bit of neck.

The sprained finger episode was somewhat extended when I fell again last week running up some stairs and landed right on it. Left hand, little finger. Still swollen, still have to be careful. Particularly at tai chi where we employ the kind of ‘top to tail’ method of violence, practising strikes with every part of our bodies (not on the floor, as I often do when alone but on other people), feet, knees, elbows, head, wrists, knuckles and, of course, fingers and sides of hands. But AAAGGHHH!!!!! not there. Generally just after I’ve thumped said finger into a fucking punch bag. Boxing gloves are for wimps, Labour supporters, Arsenal fans and other tossers.

Last week we were falling over. Not like I do in my spare time for my apparent hobby, but HOW to fall over in a way that you can control and spring back up again whilst under attack. So you fall. Then you do it again, and again, and again. And you get two things, you get good at falling down and getting up, and you get a bruised coccyx. Which means sitting in certain positions is painful. Bummer. (that’s a pun).

On Saturday something interesting happened. To the outside of my right knee. Don’t know what, it just felt funny during tennis. Thus I took the medical view and just ignored it. Medically. And played again the next day. The funny bit was that by the evening it was the inside of my knee which was swollen. And in fact still is. Feeling ‘tight’ and a bit odd.

So at the moment of writing, my toes are in pretty good shape, one knee fully functional and my right thumb is nigh-on perfect. Everything else is under consideration.

Great win for Spurs last night. We’re coming for Liverpool. Who play Chelsea on Sunday. And I want Chelsea (5 points behind us) to beat the Scousers (one point ahead) because I’m ‘looking up, not down’.

Happy, healthy, pain-free Tuesday

A xxxx