There’s been no change in the Queen’s condition, unfortunately, so plans for the funeral are ploughing ahead. Her body was moved from Balmoral to Edinburgh yesterday at suitably funerial speed. Her Maj will spend a couple of days in Scotland’s capital, even though the fringe is over. And then she’ll ‘come’ to London where she’ll hold her final audiences with the British public, plus any random, odds-an-sods tourists who fancy being “part of ‘istry, innit” and join the queue. For four days will she lay and the length of her laying will be four days. There will be no queue jumping, nor drunk behaviour. Which will rule out me (queue jumper par excellence) and half the British public (drunk most of the time).

Yet for that Queen, I may choose to visit and pay my respects. Even if I have to queue for 3 days, that is a small price to pay for… well, because… errrr…

Ok, I’m not queuing. Unless they have a visitors’ book. Then I’m in. But what shall I go as? Should I dress as the Queen? With a white wig and crown and 2 Corgis? Or maybe go in the guise of Freddie Mercury or Danny La Rue? Because turning up in jeans and t-shirt is pretty much unacceptable. And if that t-shirt has any kind of political slogan upon it, you shall be banned forthwith. Its in the rules, along with the drunk thing and pushing-in. So Jeremy Corbyn will NOT be welcomed there because his very face is a political statement and as well as being totally undesirable in any situation, you kind’a think that anti-monarchist, Republican Trotskyite tossers in general should be prevented from even looking at Her Maj’s coffin. The only acceptable positioning of Corbyn and coffin is with him inside it. Not with the Queen, obvs, I meant, his own coffin…

And then next Monday will be the final parade. Doesn’t matter if she’s in an open topped car, they can’t kill her again. And it will, very slowly, go round parts of London until it reaches, other parts of London. Followed by Charles, on foot, no less (because no-one cares if he gets shot) until it reaches Westminster Abbey for a long and drawn-out service whilst everyone in the country, on our extra Bank Holiday, will be in the pub.

Long live the King.

Happy Monday

A xxxx