Nicolas Anelka ‘performed’ his now infamous ‘quenelle’ geture after scoring a goal on December 28th. I think it safe to say that at that time, unless you are French or part of a worldwide anti-semitic conspiracy, that, like me, you’d never seen nor heard of such a thing. I thought a ‘quenelle’ was a new form of low-calorie pulse, bigger than cous-cous, firmer than barley. But no, its a ‘reverse nazi salute’, invented by a French ‘comedian’ called Dieudonne M’bala M’bala. Who, in his spare time, stirs up anti-jewish, anti-zionist and anti-most-things hatred amongst the muslim and extreme right-wing communities. An unlikely alliance in itself, if you think about it. Because most of the far right in France are essentially anti-muslim first and foremost. Which is why the Le Penn dynasty fared so well in Marseilles due to its massive North African immigrant population. And extremist Muslims are the Front Nationale’s biggest bête noir. If that’s not a racist term. But Dieudonne has managed the impossible and has united these groups of not very nice people who, under other circumstances, would be the most natural of enemies. And the glue that binds them, the common ground, the catalyst, is anti-semitism. Everything is compromise. Let’s all hate the fucking Jews. And rejoice!

So Anelka ‘quenelles’ and there is a slightly belated uproar once we’ve all worked out what, precisely, he was signalling. And why.

Because he stated he did the act purely in support of his friend Dieudonne who had been banned from certain appearances due to the content of his ‘act’. Nothing to do with anything anti-semitic. No, nothing at all. I had this swastika tatooed on my chest because its a pretty shape. Means nothing.

Anelka’s team, West Bromwich Albion, have been very cagey about it and have made no sanctions against the player. The ‘Kick-it-Out’, anti-racism-in-football organisation have done similarly fuck all, giving credit to the defence that the player was just supporting his mate, didn’t really realise, blah, blah, fucking bullshit.

So it came down to the Football Association, the governing body of our national game, the grande fromages, the main dudes, the all powerful, all seeing, quasi-godlike rulers of EVERYTHING. And we await their decision. And we await. And await. And await some more. Because they’ve said that they won’t have an answer until January 20th at the earliest.

They obviously don’t have access to Google at the FA then. Because one click and they would know everything there is to know about ‘le quenelle’ and its significance, offensiveness and implications. Its not an ambiguous sign. It doens’t have another meaning, about saving the rainforests or supporting Jennifer Lawrence in her quest for another oscar. Otherwise I’d be doing it all the time.

Zoopla, West Brom’s shirt sponsors have threatened to remove sponsorship immediately if Anelka plays on Monday night. Good for them. But sadly, you can’t have sponsors picking the teams. But you can have sponsors removing their sponsorship if its being abused, maligned and used to represent racist arseholes like Anelka.

So to Greg Dyke and his merry band at the FA: DO SOMETHING FOR ONCE IN YOUR SORRY, HIGHLY PAID LIVES THAT IS WORTHWHILE. DELAY NO LONGER. MAKE A STAND AGAINST EVIL.

And can you get back to me by June/July time?

Happy Saturday

A xxxx