David Cameron? Nob!
Theresa May? Nob! Irony notwithstanding in her case. Because in my post-feminist, inclusive PC world, anyone can be a ‘nob’. Dickheads, morons and stupid tarts with fuck-me shoes!!! I am THAT reconstructed.

David Cameron wins an election with the biggest majority since the BBC invented special effects on election nights. They had to get extra blue plastic in just for the post-vote schematics and bar charts. So what does he do? With this ‘uber-mandate’ that the pollsters had predicted impossible? He pissed it away on a referendum vote that was abused and cheated about from the very start. Bye bye David.

In comes Theresa. ‘Tough Bitch’ reads the tattoo on her right thigh (horrible thought) and she is. The right person to lead the nation out of Europe. Just like Moses led the Israelites into the Promised Land, thus Theresa, blah, blah, blah. And all that stood in her way was a throwback from a bygone era of Class Wars and meaningless socialist rhetoric. An uneducated post-hippy Abbott-shagger with a straggly beard and all the charisma of slug.

So as the opinion polls showed Theresa growing in popularity and Jezza plummeting to his rightful place as Billy-No-Mates, she decided to call a general election. What could possibly go wrong????

Its fucking politics, Theresa, EVERYTHING can go wrong and in fact did. Because of the arrogance of that woman. And it was arrogance. ‘Getting a 5 year mandate from the electorate for Brexit’ is all well and good BUT YOU DIDN’T!!!! And why?

Jeremy Corbyn was already known as a rabid anti-semite. An Israel hater. An IRA supporter (he wasn’t just ‘engaged in negotiation but attending memorials for murdering bastards… and crying). A terrorist apologist, nuclear opponent and someone who has opposed every security vote in 40 years. Pretty much on the basis that even terrorist murdering scumbags wearing suicide vests and killing our children have human rights. Or may belong to a union. The Union of Murdering Scumbags (UMS) and thus become part of ‘the many’ and not ‘the few’. In short, he is a danger to our society.

And yet, once you mentioned three sacred letters, all that is forgotten. N. H. S.

The fact that the maths doesn’t add up is irrelevant. Jezza wants to pump 30 billion quid into the NHS. I want to pump 40 million. Neither matters because neither would have the money. Theresa, however, chose to be honest and explain her maths. About elderly care. And it cost her 10 points immediately. Which she never recovered.

I’m not a natural Tory. I never have been. I’m the original champagne socialist, new labourite, liberal-with-a-small-L hypocritical tosser. But I’m appalled by Jeremy Corbyn and his horrible team. Yet Jezza managed to be one thing. A normal person. No slick veneer of Westminsterisation, no image consultants and stylists, nothing like a ‘normal politician’. And thus he did what they have failed in 19 previous elections. He managed to engage the kids. Who have always felt a massive disconnect from the Blairs, Camerons and all those other ‘groomed-for-the-jobbists’.

A fucking hung parliament. With the ghost of Ian Paisley hanging in the hallways.

(I’m so cut off from the world here in Northernmost Scotland that even radios don’t work. So some of this may be well out of date in the 8 hours since I last saw some news. It don’t matta. Its how I felt this morning and its been seething in me ever since).

Happy sodding Doomsday

A xxxx