So you have, say, a bad tummy, like, last week. And you mustn’t eat. So you buy a bottle of coke; real, red-label, full sugar, dental-enemy, obesity-rated, fat coke. Because of the sugar. Your body needs it. Preferably ‘flat’. Unlike your stomach would be if you drank it any other day of the year. Not that you could afford to, the fuckng new tax makes it suddenly a rich man’s drink. Or a sick man’s drink. You should get a rebate on the tax if you have a bad tum. Either produce a medical certificate at the till or throw-up all over the check-out girl. And then when you feel a little bit more stable, someone says ‘plain biscuits’. Just those 2 words. So you buy some. And that’s where the problem starts. Because you can’t buy 1. They won’t sell it. Only in packs of about 100. And you eat 3 the first day. Cos you’re sick. And ‘testin’. Then you eat maybe 5 the second day. Then you get better. Hooray, back on proper food, milk in coffee is back on the menu, all kinds of pig-out may resume as before. And you do pig -out, making up for all those lost days, all the weight that ‘simply fell off’ or got poured down various toilets and buckets. And you still have 93 plain biscuits left in the pack. That you don’t need any more. But they’re there. In my workspace. Looking at me. Should I throw them away? Give them to charity? Or just leave them alone and hope they don’t ‘call out’ to me.

Yet they do. They call. They whisper ‘eat meeeeee’ repeatedly throughout the day. And so I do. The race before they go stale.

Voting day today. We, in London at least, not sure about the rest of the great unwashed, but we vote for our local councillors. And the rule is: ‘anyone but Labour’. On the grounds that they are horrible, evil nasty people. Who actually intend to let you vote for a specific Labour candidate and then, after the election, they will deselect your candidate and replace him with some Momentum shit-head Trotskyite anti-semite. That’s what they have planned in Haringey and if it proves not to be illegal (under review) there’s nothing to stop them doing it elsewhere. Which is as dishonest as it is undemocratic. But (new, new) Labour has never been about democracy. More about abuse, sexism, racism and trolling.

Vote Rich Tea today

A xxxx