I’m going nowhere. It’s brilliant. I barely have to leave my couch. I’ve put the kettle on one side, a little fridge on the other for beers, and I keep all the empty bottles nearby for… ya know. I just fall asleep in front of re-runs of Match of the Day and wake up to Oprah. I haven’t worked out how to wash there just yet, so I haven’t had a shower since Tier 4 started back in December. For ‘safety reasons’. Because after 12 months of Netflix and take-aways, I’m now morbidly obese and hence a greater risk both from the perspective of covid and to the structural survival of the couch. Work is fine, because as yet, they can’t smell you on Zoom. Only with Zoom Plus (available April 9th). I do exercise though. I do three HIT classes a day. Without getting up. They’re easy. I must be really fit. Though I split my trousers 6 weeks ago. Haven’t bothered replacing them. They can’t see your underwear on Zoom either. And to be honest, you really wouldn’t want to.

It’s holidays I miss. I just want to lie on a beach and think about anything that doesn’t involve Covid, coronavirus, vaccinations, tiers, isolation, quarantine, the NH-fucking-S, Boris or Manchester City. Yet I haven’t been away for 14 months. The longest, holiday free period since I met my first wife. Ok, my only wife, I just like saying it like that. Keeps her on her toes. But the thought of the process of just, kind’a, getting there and back is so daunting, so un-holidayish, so downright… horrible, that I can’t even think about booking for June when “its all going to open up” (subject to terms and conditions… lots and lots of terms and conditions).

So its nowhere for me. Other than tv. Our only escape from the grim realities of the new world order.

So we’ve just finished Money Heist. Spanish bank (of sorts) robbery series. Watched it in the original over-dubbed because Mel’s Spanish is pretty poor. Though possibly not as poor as the almost ruinous dubbing. But its redeemed by two things. A fantastically clever plot, verging on the ridiculous but never quite crossing that line. And the fact that the cast are beautiful. The goodies, baddies, cops, murderers, hostages, all look like ‘Tokyo’ above. Well, the boys look a bit different, I s’pose. So if you think you’d like kind of ‘Inside Man’ (movie with Clive Owen and Denzel W) mixed with Baywatch, then Money Heist is for you.

If not, just watch 2 minutes of ‘Married at First Sight; Australia’ and regret it for the rest of your life.

Happy Wednesday

A xxxx