So Mezud Ozil and Alexis Sanchez are in deep talks with Arsenal about their new contracts. Which they don’t give a shit about. And the money on offer, which they really, really do. They earn 140k a week (a fucking WEEK!!!!) but want 250k. Like Pogba. Fine.

Then Oscar, Brazilian not-quite-superstar-enough to play regularly for Chelsea, moves to Shanghai (iss in China, innit, setting up a ‘big-time’ football league, ain’t they) for an eye-watering, testicle-shriveling, nausea-inducing 400 thousand pounds a week.

Now them Chinese, those last bastions of world Communism: from each according to his ability (Oscar is very able) to each according to his needs (must be some ‘needs’) have offered Zlatan Ibrahimovic 1.2 million pounds a week. £1,200,000 every fucking week. He’s 36 years old and wears a pony tail. You’d think he’d know better with all that maturity, but for 1.2 mil a week, he can look as stupid as he wants. Though he’s turned it down. For now.

That’s totally fucked up. Absolutely outrageous. Obviously, in a free-market economy, you can pay what you want. The Chinese reckon they can sell 1.6 billion ‘Ibrahmovic’ shirts, one for every person there, probably just by passing a law making it compulsory. If you’re caught not wearing one you get locked up without a trial. Fair enough. But what message does it send to our already ridiculously rich footballing ‘stars’? It gives the message to be greedy. Be very greedy. Make outrageous demands and use the ‘Chinese model’ as the ultimate threat. Pay me ‘what I’m worth’ or I’ll play in Shanghai, Beijing, wherever.

Swansea City won’t be making an offer for Ibrahimovic. Nor Ozil or Sanchez. They’re in trouble. Big trouble. Conceded 18 goals in their last six away games. Or ‘road games’ as their manager, Bob Bradley, calls them. And there’s the problem.

Managers, no matter how great they may be, have to sound right. They can use the ‘northern scumbag’ model, like Sam Allardyce, they can use the Welsh paradigm, like Clive Coleman, Mark Hughes. They can be crafty cockneys, Geordie morons (Shearer) or they can be ‘foreign’. But only within clearly defined limits. French, German, Spanish, Italian, all fine. Mastery of English not essential (Pochettino), at first at least. South American is fine and dandy.

But to hear a full-blown Yank… its just plain wrong. We don’t have ‘road games’ cos our roads are shitty. We don’t have ‘winningest’ teams, nor all those other phrases which simply don’t translate. Its like calling a goal a ‘touchdown’. Which he hasn’t. Yet.

American accents are fine. I like them. Wouldn’t want a cowboy to sound any different. Nor televangelists, baseball pundits or Hollywood moguls. But a manager of a British football team, (even a Welsh one)… naaaaaaaah. No wonder they’re losing.

Happy Sunday

A xxxx