Everyone moans; “ohh, noooooo, not anOTHER!! destination wedding!!! That’s my fifth this week, thirteenth in the last month, 43rd this year so far!!! And because no-one ever wants to get married in the rain or snow, as the year progresses, the venues move from Southern Europe to the Middle East, then the Far East and eventually when its the only place left the sun’s still shining; Ethel from Wolverhampton and Nigel from Norwich will tie the knot at sunset at Ayers Rock because… they’ve always felt an affiliation to aboriginals, as their persecution in Australia is a parallel to that of dim-witted Black Country laggards and inbred East Anglian carpet fitters. So it all makes a lot of sense to drag the family half way round the world in sympathy, on their own coin.

But the fact of the matter is: destination weddings can be simply amazing. And sometimes, almost worth the outrageous cost of entry. I’ve been to a few like that. And what they actually do is make you realise that ‘normal’ weddings are somewhat formulaic, a bit staid, totally unimaginative, but… just a short tube run or taxi ride away.

Last weekend’s was an extravaganza of… extravaganzes. It was an orchestra of orks. It was the last wedding you’ll ever need to go to til the next one, but with pasta. It had everything. A spectacular cast of characters many of whom looked like ‘Love Island’ contestants!! Unfortunately, most had that same level of intelligence, but the photos were fantastic. Fabulous food, spectacular scenery and loads of whingeing Italian taxi drivers.

The bride and groom are beautiful, inventive, creative, entrepreneurial types who associate with similar, plus a few wannabes and hangers on, but every wedding has those, and they’re important to make us true stars shine brighter. And so it started on Friday night. With 2 challahs which I brought all the way from Golders Green, across land and sea and air. Then they were left in the back of a taxi, retrieved and finally eaten at the meal in one of the most spectacular restaurants ever.

Sunday was the wedding and it was long and luxurious, and it was in the most beautiful villa and it was late and boozy and speechy and dancey and we got back to our hotel at 2.30am. A new record. Whereas we only danced to the old records.

Monday was the beach party, at the venue in this photo. I know, its shit, innit? No significant concrete in the pic, no flash cars, no hanging gardens of Babylon, no Daleks. Booor-riiing. To complete a truly amazing weekend.

Happy Married Life, Bamber

A xxxx