What is going on in our Mad Mad Mad World of Football??? Its cccccrrrrrr-azy!!!!

And my use of the flippant and childish tone along with loads of inappropriate punctuation is to accentuate the childishness of the whole thing. Honest, Dad, cross me heart…

Alan Pardew is a 50 year old man. He manages (on some level) Newcastle United. Thus, his job, as an elder statesman and respect figure (along with Mike Ashley… hmmm…) is to do far more than merely train and coach his bunch of children/players. His job is to give them a sense of responsibility, to show them appropriate behaviour, both on and off the pitch, and to provide some kind of moral leadership. To a bunch of ridiculously overpaid semi-moronic (the ‘semi’ there giving loads of benefit of the doubt) super-egos who believe the hype they read, who are under the impression that their shit don’t stink, who can’t spell ‘Maserati’ but happily drive them and who consider that money compensates for acting like a total asshole at every possible opportunity.

So how does Alan do this? He headbutts an opposing player on the sidelines during a match. To further add to the stupidity, he had to stretch on tippy-toes to reach the face of a man about 6 inches taller, 25 years younger and 85 times fitter and stronger.

Although this is the second issue of this nature for Pardew this season and the third in 2 years. He needs anger management. Though he does win my ‘tosser of the week’ award, if not ‘tosser of the season’. A high accolade with so much competition for the title.

Like Sol Campbell.

The latest in a long line of ‘footballers who make stupid, ridiculous, possibly defamatory claims in their autobiographies’. Roy Keane’s was the best where he described in detail over an entire chapter how he planned and perpetrated an act of actual bodily harm on Alfie Haarland.

But Sol’s gripe is that he was racially discriminated against by not being made England captain for 10 years. Not short of over-valuing his worth then. Yet Sol was indeed discriminated against. Not because he was black. But because he was gay. And I don’t think the world was ready at that time for such a revelation. Rio Ferdinand managed to captain his nation… before the minor drug problem reared its ugly head. Whereas Sol’s ugly head was clean in that respect. Though perhaps his aspirations were hindered by moving to Arsenal, which rendered him a little mercenary, as those old enough can remember that time when the Arse actually won a few things.

Arsene Wenger hates Stoke City. And they hate him. They really hate him. Surely the best ‘revenge’ Arsenal could take would be to beat the Potters in a way the imagined ‘gulf’ between the two teams’ style and quality would perhaps demand. Yet they don’t. And they didn’t. Arsene has never believed in a ‘plan B’ and yet stumbles against very physical and inhibiting teams. Even when, like Stoke, they aren’t particularly ‘good’ in any conventional sense. As my Stoke mate texted me yesterday: ‘they don’t like it up ’em’. And its true. They don’t.

Happy Sunday. But only if we beat Cardiff.

A xxxx