In the entire Cities of London and Westminster there is only place buzzing with activity. The shops are deserted, offices empty, roads and pavements like the fucking morgue. But at the virtual junction of those two fine cities sits the Royal Courts of Justice. The High Court. And every day as I walk past there is the crowd of paps, the journalists, the tv vans. Two of our posher coffee shops have opened up in their honour. And when I walk in to get my morning latte (pretentious fucker that I am) every table in a Pret the size of a ballroom has three cameras sitting on it, each with a metre long lens attached.

Finer points of the legal system would not receive such attention. Intricate cases upon which may turn legislation that could affect our lives would be ignored. But stick a couple of A-list slebs in there and the world’s press descend like… like… like a virus!! It is nothing more than collective voyeurism by proxy. We send in the hacks so we can learn about ‘lives of the rich’n’famous’ whilst they’re under oath.

And this is what we learn about Johnny Depp and Amber Heard.

They are both certifiably insane. Immoral. Amoral. Revolting. Disgusting. Evil. Nasty. Horrible. Vile. And more revolting. With no redeeming qualities whatsoever. Other than Amber looking like Amber. That redeems quite a bit in my mind, but is it enough??

So in Depp’s desire to ‘save his reputation’ after the Sun newspaper’s allegations that he is a ‘wife beater’, he’s prepared to present himself as pretty much the world’s most obnoxious and disgusting human (barely that), who takes drugs and alcohol to excess, falls over unconscious quite a bit, remembers very little about decades at a time, behaves in a terrible way to everybody, loses all his money, never washes, throws tantrums, eats shit, but DON’T CALL ME A WIFE-BEATER! The rest he’s proud of. Or at least insufficiently not proud to be happy to parade it in front of a court and thus the world’s media.

But by all accounts, and there are many, she was just as bad, if not worse. And there is just cause, it would appear, if we lived in a world of true equality and non-presumptive egalitarianism, to call Amber a ‘husband beater’. But the term doesn’t exist. It’s not allowed to exist.

Yet it seems that basically they spent their entire marriage fighting, but like, proper, physically assaulting, beating, attacking with a variety of household implements, real, gloves-off, fighting with each other. When she wasn’t in bed with Elon Musk that is. But that’s not an implication of any moral judgment. Just a massive fucking question mark about her taste in men. In fact if I had such poor choices of men I’d become a lesbian too.

Amber speaks next week (or two). But so far it just seems to have painted a picture of a totally dysfunctional marriage between two equal and opposite imbeciles.

The whole thing is so stupid as to be totally compelling.

Happy Saturday

A xxxx