I’m on a train from Tokyo to Kanazawa. Why? Because I am, that’s why. It was suggested to us, its half way between Tokyo and Kyoto and it sounds good. So we’re off. On the Bullet Train. Which is so clean, precise, on time and organised that you are reminded once again that this must be Japan.

Kyoto (the shit you learn from tour guides is almost endless; almost makes you wish you’d paid more attention more of the time) is the old Capital city. Because the Emperor lived there. But he only lived there because the big, bad, nasty Shogun lived in Tokyo. Or Eto, as it was called then. No relation to the ex-Barcelona striker who was Samuel Eto’o. And the Shogun (it all sounds a bit Mikado at this point) was the warlord who lead the Samurai warriors, from whom I am directly descended. Via the offshoot branch which came through Poland (read: ‘Swords and Sefa-Torah’ by Suzuki Goldberg, for more on this.)

Japan is steeped in ancient rivalries, wars, battles, all the usual shit that humans inflicted on each other everywhere in the world from when we invented ‘sharp things’ to when the Atom Bomb fell (going there next week). And Japan also had 300 years of ‘isolation’. No-one allowed into Japan from outside (flights were banned from 1463 to 1729) and no Japanese were allowed out. Isolation. Which ensured some kind of stupid ‘purity’ ideals, but also prevented information and technology flow. Things like ‘gunpowder’. So when the first invading force arrived with their cannons and guns, the Samurai quite literally had no idea what hit them.

It’s over now, obviously, otherwise no-one could ever play Nintendo. But its left a rather strange society, loosely caste-based, seemingly conservative and introspective but with inner ninjas just waiting to leap out in front of the nearest karaoke machine.

But its a failing system in which young Japanese are not marrying nor reproducing anything like they should. Because society’s conservative facade almost prevents normal, inter-gender meetings in bars and restaurants and clubs. Which has led to such a need and craving that not only has a massive sex industry grown all over the country (did a ‘red light’ walking tour last night; amazing, alas, no free samples) but even an immense spin-off of ‘escorts’. But genuine, no sex please, we’re Japanese, faux boy/girl-friends that you pay fortunes to. And who become superstars on billboards all over. You think they’re boy bands (who look girl-band-like in their androgynous lack of masculinity) but they are the Fucking A-list Escorts adored to obsessive levels by the teeny-Jap-ettes.

Basically, I’m loving it here. Especially now the sun’s finally risen in a meaningful way.

Happy Friday

A xxxx