It’s my birthday next week. And a highly significant one. Not in mere numeric terms where we obsess about numbers with a zero at the end or possibly a 5, but more in statutory terms.

I’m to be 66. The birthday marking the becoming of two thirds of a devil. I am the Anti-Chr-
And it is very significant, governmentally speaking.

Firstly I received an email a few months ago telling me that as of my birthday, Her Majesty (God bless all of her 70 years of Queendom), are going to pay me a monthly salary for being alive. It’s called a ‘pension’ and the only work required is to breathe and be very old. I am to be a fucking pensioner. But then I’m fairly sure that as such I’m entitled to all sorts of other shit too. Good shit. When you youngsters (phah!) get money towards your electric and gas bills later in the year, I get more. Because I’m older, colder, more shivery, and generally at more risk of… whatever.

Then I had another message. My (totally brilliant) ‘60-plus Oyster Card’ which gives me free travel on all public transport in London, is due to ‘expire’. Nooooooo… you can’t take that away. How could you??? Am I no longer ‘60-plus’? Do you go from 65 back to 59 just for governmental purposes?? No, I’m to receive a ‘Freedom Pass’. Ahhhh, a Freedom Pass. Which will take me, free of charge, all the way to Reading on the Elizabeth Line. I’ve never been to Reading. Had no real plans to change that status, if I’m honest, but now I have to go. It’s what you do when you’re 66. Mel, with her mere 60-plus card, will have to wait at Heathrow (last stop allowed) whilst I’m enjoying all that Reading has to offer. I don’t think she’ll have to wait long.

Before you all rush round here with gifts and wonderful presents (I like my single malt ‘peaty’, by the way), we will be away. If the gods (baggage handlers) and omens (security checkers) are positive, we shall be in Tel Aviv on Saturday. Possibly Sunday, depending on the new super-randomness of massed flight cancellations, or maybe, I will be at home with a nice new ‘voucher’ from British Airways in lieu of the beach.

I’ll keep you posted of all airport matters and any further birthday presents from Boris. I’m voting for him after all that lot coming my way.

Happy Wednesday

A xxxx