The problem with religions is that the more obsessive they are, the more preachy, the more holier-than-thou, the more… basically, up their own arses, that they are, the more stupid it all seems when it goes wrong.

When I see, on a tube train, f’rsinstance, a ‘black hat’ Jewish dude, all beard and dangling bits and stuff, reading his little prayerbook (they’re always reading their little prayer book, rarely 50 Shades of Grey or Brave New World), and an old/pregnant/wobbly person gets on, I always think they should be the first to stand up and offer their seat. But they never are. And there, in a nutshell, sums up the problem with all religions at that level of observance: too busy praying to be a good and decent person.

Which is so arse-about-face to be laughable. Religion started as the foundation of the moral code. In times when it was cool to shag your mates wife, kill your brother cos he didn’t pay you back 6 beads and some fire-water, steal anything you wanted just cos you had the biggest stick to hit people with. Mankind needed rules and guidelines, so an abstract concept, called ‘God’ was invented to back those rules up. ‘Thou shalt not kill’ is only so useful as a guideline. Whereas ‘if you fucking kill you will burn in the fires of hell for eternity and all your family will die in pain and suffering’ is more potent. So you need God. As an ‘enforcer’. Even though he never enforces.

Also, if outwardly religious people act in unpleasant or evil ways, those actions are judged as part of that religion. ‘That Jew didn’t stand up for a pregnant woman’. ‘That Muslim beheaded a journalist’. So those who are outwardly, visibly, emphatically of any particular faith must accept that responsibility that they are representing that faith in the eyes of the world.

But at some point the religion overtook the morality. It became the End rather than the means. Otherwise how could you ever explain ‘holy wars?. Which breach every single ‘God given’ commandment, other than sloth. Which happens to be my favourite deadly sin.

On a bleak and desolate Hebridean Island, they run the place strictly according to the Free Church of Scotland. Its like a little Sharia state for Presbyterians. And it was ‘run’ pretty much by its Reverend. Who was basically shagging 7 different women over about 20 years, whilst being the ‘happily married’ head of morality on the Island. Which, due to the strictness of his church, had no sunday trading whatsoever and even refused to open the public swimming pool on that day, despite outcry from locals. Can’t do that, not Godly. Sabbath must be observed. Morality is everything. Except when you’re shagging someone you shouldn’t. Then its ok.

The reverend killed himself. Which is a shame. Though the shame really is that he bothered pretending to be a religious man. If he’d pretended to be a French politician he’d be a hero and probably still alive today.

I’m ok with religion being there, I just don’t need to play.

Happy Friday, or Good Shabbas, as we say

A xxxx