Its starting. The Olympics. Today. Paris. Though the opening ‘ceremony’ was yesterday. Pretty much all of yesterday. Went on for hours and hours. And being ever competitive the French showed us that they’re even better at rain than us. God probably hates the French too, so it absolutely pissed down upon the entire 9 and three quarter hours of the show/display/parade/ceremony. Which centred upon the River Seine. And had the finale of Celine Dion half way up the Eiffel Tower belting out a number in (Canadian) French. Bit odd really, last time she sang and boats were involved… well, it didn’t end well. But this time was fine. She sang her song. No man should have to listen to two. And now the games can start!!!

And I enter my ‘Olympics denial’ phase. When I’m convinced that none of what is happening over there is of any remote interest to me. Do I care whether the French can swim faster than Americans? That some obscure activity which no-one understands, in the velodrome, results in this nation winning or that nation winning? Do I care that the Dutch beat the Aussies at hockey?

Of course not. And yet… by the end of the weekend, I will care. Not ‘passionately’, not ‘massively’, not even ‘deeply’. This is more a ‘whateverrrrr’ sort of care, its more ‘peripheral’ to my life, its just an awareness and then a conscious consideration that there are medals, and results and all manner of statistical stuff going on. So that by the time the athletics proper starts off, I’m totally engaged and can quote you how fast Carl Lewis ran his 100 metres in 1873 (ok, not so good with the dates) and how everyone was steroided up to the eyeballs back then which was why it was such fun to watch, and how Simone Biles is just the best human being ever and how Charlotte Dujardin really isn’t, even though the horsey events are every bit as fascinating to watch as golf or paint drying. Horses have rights. Though not quite so many rights in France as they enjoy in more civilised countries where they’re not eaten avec des frites.

Basically: I’m not there yet, but I will be. I just have to work out precisely where ‘there’ is.

Happy Olympic Saturday

A xxxx