I must apologise, in a (fairly) sincere and (almost) genuine manner, for pretty much ignoring the lower end of our esteemed Premier League of late. Because I’ve been so busy up there at the top end, the glorious, victorious, uproarious pinnacle of wonderful football that I kind’a forgot that there are other teams playing the game too. And, as always, ‘there by the grace of God’ that we’re SECOND IN THE LEAGUE!!!!.
Basically, there’s the usual fight out between the tragically underperforming no-hopers and one of them may possibly survive. If you could relegate four teams then we would, to be honest. So bad are Villa, Newcastle, Sunderland and Norwich. But that’s not the way it works. Only three go down and one will survive. And I would say: ‘to go down next year instead’ except last season that fourth team of hopelessness and uselessness was Leicester City. How fortunes change.
Villa are gone. Beyond hope. And now their captain and one-time talisman, Gabriel Agbonlahor, has been suspended by his own team for being a fat bastard. They call it ‘reduced levels of fitness’ but basically Gaby has been putting away the pies and pints in profusion and is now officially a porker. Itself a metaphor for just how far Aston Villa have slumped. When the players can’t even be bothered to maintain decent fitness levels. They’ve already given up.
And how tragic, for the region, if not just the football teams, if both Newcastle and Sunderland were to be relegated, leaving only Middlesboro’, should they get promoted as they probably will, as the sole Northeast representative in the top flight. Ironically, on the wish-lists for ‘teams you’d love to see relegated’, which every fan secretly harbours, along with his almost essential inner-racism, sexism and anti-just-about-anything-decent-ism, Newcastle and Sunderland fans would have the other team top of that list.
Every fan of every club would probably have Norwich on the list. Not so much not liking them, more a complete and total indifference to anything about them other than the sheer visual offensiveness of their migraine-inducing kit.
Watford: safe. Bournemouth: safe. For now.
Just about to land in Holland. Going to see some tulips. Apparently they have them in Holland. One or two.
Back monday night. Just in time for Spurs at Stoke. Biggest game… well, y’know.
Happy Saturday
A xxxx
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