what do you fancy? A curry? Chinese? Italian??

Luis Suarez. I mean: what the f***? But really; WHAT THE F***????

And at what point does a ‘moment of insanity’ in ‘the heat of the moment’, temporarily ‘losing it’ become a bit of a problem? A pattern. When does the odd isolated action evolve into serial offense? Whatever the question, we really need to talk about Luis.

18 months ago he bit a Chelsea player on the arm. Fortunately for him, there were only 97 cameras on him at the time so he almost got away with it. But it was a bite. Teeth marks. And we all thought: ‘that’s a fucking wierd thing to do’. Then they fished out footage of him doing the same thing when he played for Ajax. But heh, the Dutch are famously tolerant and, when it comes to football, notoriously violent. Luis received a ban for the Chelsea offence. Probably would have been a longer ban if the opposing team had been any other than Chelsea on the grounds that they are hateful and generally deserve whatever they get. And Luis redeemed himself last year by being the best player in the league. And went from hate figure to idol. Not an easy thing to do when you’re not David Beckham and you’ve already received another long ban for racism.

And we all loved Luis. Even when he personally destroyed not just the England football team last week, but the entire nation, I still thought that it was almost worth that pain for the wonder that was provided by El Suarez. But then it started. Not just the gloating but the statements of how Uruguay’s defeat of England was his personal revenge for our collective scorn when he was reviled by all and sundry. With some good reason. But heh, he’s (almost) human, he has feelings, and I allowed him his moment of vengeance.

Then last night he bit the shoulder of the Italian left back. Or the back of the Italian left shoulder. Images are blurred. And there are teeth marks and pain and suffering, even though Luis went down in apparent suffering clutching his teeth, as if the Italian had deliberately shouldered his mouth. Which, kind’a, wasn’t the case when you see it. And we’ve all seen it. From 26 different angles. So Luis is in trouble. Big trouble. He won’t be playing in this World Cup again. Nor for anyone else anytime soon. His chomping days are over. FIFA should give him a 6 month ban and allow him to play again only upon removal of his teeth.

Whereas Naomi Broady (who???) won a tennis match at Wimbledon. Being British that in itself is an unusual statement. But that she was there at all shows just how forgiving and wonderful the Lawn Tennis Association can be. Because although a young Wimbledon champion a few years ago, she was cut off from the tennis world because of the photo above. In which the then 17 year old was posing with a condom machine. And the LTA differs from, say, Ashton Kutcher, in that it doesn’t do pranks and it really doens’t do ‘humour’ in any meaningful way. So they cut off her sponsorship, left her high and dry. Like we have so many tennis champions in this country we can really afford to lose a few potential winners due to almost inapprorpriate behaviour.

Naomi is now 24, will probably lose to Wozniacki in the next round and is northern. But we should all be rooting for her. For freedom of expression, for fun, for showing the LTA that acting like the Taleban is rotten. And because slutty behaviour should always be rewarded.

Happy Wednesday

A xxxx