Well that was exciting. The football season. Finished. Finally. Usually its over by the FA Cup Final in early May. This year we had a stay of execution until almost August!!! I think they should keep that every year. Then give everyone a month off and be ready to start again in early September. New season starts on September 12th. But, as with everything, this is ‘subject to change due to conditions and viruses’. So the putative footy season might end up like Spain. Being; totally fucked. On the whim of a government long accused of ‘acting too late’ on virtually every step of the corona pathway, so suddenly acting very very early. “We’re banning Spain, the entire nation, as from… NOW!” No more: “these very important measures will start in 3 weeks from next Friday”, gone are the “we think masks are important now, even though we thought them rubbish for the first 3 months, so you have to wear them in shops. From 19 days time. At midnight”. Those days are gone. Boris has become ‘Action Man!!’ From the ‘Fat Man!’ he once was. Again, as with everything he does, this is ‘virus driven’. Less fat, less likely to die of Covid. Simple. The PM has lost a stone already. Though still resembles a cross between a pig and a tub of lard in a shaggy wig.

Liverpool still won the league. Which they pretty much did in January before ‘the delays’. Which were organised by God so that no-one had to be there to actually witness it happening live, or risk being immersed at Anfield with 50 thousand smug, overly-entitled Scousers. Thank you God.

Spurs managed to limp to 6th place to be sure of European football next season. Hooray. Arsenal didn’t. Spurs may now have to sell Harry Kane. Not because they want to sell him, not because he wants to move, because he loves Spurs like I do. But because the press, collectively and unanimously think ‘its the right time for him to move’. He’s 27 today (Happy Birthday Harry, I love you, love you, love you!!!) and thus can’t wait any longer before… I don’t know. So to the entire sporting press of my fine nation I’d like to offer a single, heart-felt and sincere: FUCK OFF, THE LOT OF YOU!!!

The relegation battle was as edgy as always. Norwich were already down before Christmas, but they needed accompaniment down to the depths and so Bournemouth, Watford and Aston Villa were the contenders, 2 of whom were to take the dive. Villa won the prize of staying up and we say a fond (ish) farewell to 3 teams who were punching way above their weight to begin with. And I wish them well. (Read: good riddance).

The rest is history. The weirdest football season since records began (1327 or thereabouts) and its finally, eventually, agonisingly, over.

Happy season’s end

A xxxx