We went to Bournemouth (not personally, that’s the footballing ‘we’ in which I AM MY TEAM and MY TEAM IS ME; only happens when we win) and we thrashed those poor South Coasters. And its all because of…

… of God.

HE put an angel on earth for the afternoon. And that angel was called Artur Boruc and he’d forsaken his wings and halo for goalkeeping gloves and a beer belly.

Because like me, God is a Spurs fan. Big time, never misses a game. That’s what ‘omniscient means’. It also means he never misses any game, any sport, played anywhere in the world at any time. Imagine how pissed off His wife gets.

And He saw that His team weren’t doing brilliantly, mainly due to the somewhat indifferent form of our (formerly) superstar striker, Harry Kane. And thus the intervention. Some may call it cheating, but I firmly believe in taking any advantage you can in life. And the Lord saw that Arsenal were, for a few hours, top of the league, and that’s sacriledge, and He’s angry at Morinho, like everyone is. HE is only human… hmmmm…

And so 5-1 it was with both Harry Kane and Boruc scoring hat-tricks for Spurs. God bless ’em.

Meanwhile up north it was a different story. Even God doesn’t go up north. Finds it too dull, drab and miserable.

Sunderland beat arch-rivals Newcastle, for the 7th time running. 6 of those times (by my calculations) with a new manager. They change often, as teams who are simultaneously ‘up there’ (geographically) and ‘down there’ (league table-wise) generally do.

But that win sent Aston Villa bottom of the table with the immediate effect of more manager sackage. Tim Sherwood’s gone walkies. Leaving a real plum job open to offers. I’m sure they’re queuing already, or maybe that’ll be Morinho’s next gig once Chelsea finally get round to sacking him.

Even the 2 Manchesters couldn’t score a goal, not a solitary one between them in their match yesterday, scheduled early to avoid rugby conflict. They left that for Liverpool on the grounds that no-one wanted to watch Liverpool play Southampton anyway.

And West Ham go from strength to strength. The Bilic effect? Or just every dog having its day? I favour the latter hypothesis. On the grounds that they’re scum.

Very happy Monday

A xxxx