I was standing on the platform this morning at Odawara station, getting the bullet train back to Tokyo. So this is what you do. You find the platform, it ain’t hard. Then along the platform are the numbers of the actual carriages on the train, once it arrives. So you go to the ‘4’ number and you know that is precisely, exactly, unwaveringly where the door to carriage 4 will arrive. So they paint lines to queue behind it and, being Japan, everyone politely, courteously, quietly, stands in a neat little line. They all know the rules.

I was standing in the wrong place. Mel pointed it out. So I modified my favourite football song for the good citizens of Odawara (all Japanese are good citizens, they don’t have burglars, muggers, homeless, smelly or Chelsea fans). “I’ll stand where I want; I’ll stand where I wa-ant: I’m a fuckin’ foreigner, I’ll stand where I want”.

Because wonderful and amazing and dependable that Japan is, there are lots of rules for someone like me who naturally just kind’a likes to circumvent, question, argue with or just ignore. Like waiting for a little green man to give you permission to cross the road. I’ve crossed roads since I was 5 without any green men, why do I need ‘em now? In London its an irrelevance, but here, you just… its just HOW IT IS DONE! And in the interests of harmonious international accord, I stood waiting with everyone else. Gritting my teeth and shuffling my feet.

But then Manchester City won the league and it all became a bit irrelevant. Spurs finished 4th, which was obvious after last week but in the interests of statistical possibility (Arsenal winning by 8 goals and us losing), we weren’t allowed to actually claim it. Though we were allowed ‘pre-statistical gloating and arrogance’ as per Premier League Rule 736-17, ch.4, pt.7.

And in fact Spurs could have finished 3rd, as Chelsea drew, but obviously we didn’t because at this end of the season, generally, we just don’t. They HAVE to make it hard on the fans, there has to be something of a collapse.

And because we have bigger fish to fry coming up. The biggest fish in the footballing pond, in fact. The final of the European Champions League on June 1st. In case you missed that. Liverpool are to be the haddock. Chelsea are the chips and Arsenal become a pickled onion in this over-stressed metaphor.

I’m getting on a very early plane tomorrow morning. We are returning to Lila. And the very soon to be ‘plus 1’. I’ve loved every minute of it here. Just amazing and totally excellent.

Sayonara

A xxxx