Practical.

Ok, so its ‘kosher’ or its not. That’s a big, thick, black line which you cross AT YOUR PERIL!!!! One side is a life barely worth living as its so tied up in archaic bullshit and rules, and on the other side is an eternity of damnation in the fires of hell, but at least you can get a coffee from Starbucks, should you please, or an ice cream for the kids on a beach.

Therefore, the thick black line gets ignored other than by those in thick, black overcoats and hats when its 32 degrees outside, and instead we have slightly ‘greyer’, a little more ‘blurred’, somewhat ‘moveable’ lines. And that’s where the trouble starts.

Not with the lines themselves but with what they represent in the unstated hierarchy of ‘observancy’.

Not to put too fine a point on it, if its not a kosher restaurant, you’re not kosher. Whatever you’re eating or not eating. But… (latitude, compromise, tolerance, common sense…) how can a piece of bread NOT be kosher? It’s flour, water and salt. No Crustacea, no pig’s trotters, no leg of lamb. Ergo, I’ll eat that anywhere. And risk the fires of hell later, when I’m not so hungry. Similarly white fish. Just don’t put shrimp with it. And/or make sure its cooked in a different pot from the shrimp. And don’t serve it on the same plates you might have used for the mussels.

So the (Jewish) world divides into camps for eating out. Tribes. All of whom ‘keep kosher at home’, as we do, because its a tradition thing and hurts no-one. Except lovers of shellfish.

First are the black hats. They eat no-where that isn’t already filled with others in black hats to attest to its safety from the non-kosher. There’ll be certificates all over proclaiming its level of kosherness. Which, sadly, are not always the same certificates you get for public health issues.

Next comes the meat avoiders. You have many Jews who will eat in any restaurant, but not meat. Only fish. Meat needs to be killed ‘properly’ (not a conversation for vegans) to be kosher so even a piece of perfectly acceptable meat is avoided if not sourced from a kosher butcher. And by avoiding it there’s also the other biggy of any suggestion that the meat might have come into contact with something dairy. Fish is fish and, as long as it was born with scales, represents no problem. Until you cover it with prosciutto, then its a big problem.

Then come the ‘I’ll eat meat in a restaurant, even though its not ‘strictly’ kosher, but obviously NEVER with anything of a milky or cheesy nature. And never pork!’ Chicken’s fine. By nature it is a Jewish bird.

I’ll only eat food. Any/all of it. Long as there’s a lot.

And its all good. You do what you want, eat what you’re comfortable with, dine as you please. As long as there’s no holier-than-thou-ism involved, nothing judgmental of others from a different tribe, I’m happy. Because unless you live the life of a black hat you’re blurring lines and become an instant hypocrite if you criticise someone else’s line.

We went to eat with a fairly non-food-observant couple one day in Fitzrovia. And ordered squid. Which is deeply, profoundly banned. Mel, (tribe 3), won’t touch it. So here I could share it with people ‘like me’. But then it was noticed that there was some kind of ham which came with it. And that was a red line to this couple. It’s all about how you learned the rules. The choices remain yours and yours alone. If you don’t count God.

Sleeping with toy pigs is not in breach of any dietary laws.

Enjoy your lunch.

A xxxx